Sweet Mary Sunshine

Veggie-ville

2011-08-01T23:09:00.000-05:00

My DH and I learned a little lesson in communication this summer - a reminder that you can't take it for granted even after 7 years together. He decided to till up the empty lot next door and turn a third of it into a neighborhood garden. I decided to buy a partial share of a CSA (community-sustained agriculture). Needless to say, we have been eating very healthy this summer. And it's been mighty fun to be able to share our abundance.

We have had to seek out some education - tonight, I am going to make kale chips. Apparently they're awesome. We'll see. The kids have been devouring the broccoli and cucumbers, along with the bunny rabbit carrots (long carrots with stems on). They also have been enjoying the sugar snap peas. For some reason, we have had no green beans from either source. Oh well, there's always the farmers market.

A little hung up on death

2011-06-17T06:05:00.001-05:00

I don't remember thinking about dying much when I was a kid. Perhaps I did, but it certainly wasn't consuming and I don't equate the questioning to my childhood memories. Unlike my own kids. Oy.

We took them to a couple of funerals in January of this past year and both were kind of high-stress occasions, in my book. Not only were they a long drive away, but we stayed with some of my husbands' family who I didn't really know before then and both funerals meant lots of in-law time.

Both funerals involved people taking snapshots of the corpses. Both involved all kinds of interesting behavior that, of course, the kids questioned us on incessantly.

Fast forward to today and they still mention death offhandedly nearly every day. Just last weekend, I was sitting at home with Lillian, who was recovering from a recent tonsilectomy. As I folded and folded and folded laundry, I sighed and said, "When will I ever be done with folding laundry?" She matter-of-factly replied, "Don't worry, Mom. You won't have to fold anymore once you're dead." So true, I hope.

At bedtime last night, I tucked Breanna into bed like a little burrito and kissed her goodnight. She said, "I love you, Mom. I hope you don't die tonight so I can see you in the morning."

Boy, I hope they're not going to be traumatized into weirdos as they grow up. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Although, I do hear there is good money and no such thing as a recession in the funeral business, so perhaps this might turn out ok.

Why can't I let it rest?

2011-06-02T06:48:00.000-05:00

I am driving myself crazy, trying to find a way to get my Bell's Palsy-stricken face to allow me to breathe out of my right nostril. Big deal, right? But it drives me crazy! It doesn't hurt and it is not killing me - heck, most people don't even notice where the flesh is caved in. But it drives me crazy!

I can't chew with my mouth completely closed because then I can't breathe. I love to eat good food, love to dine with wonderful people, but hate to be seen as I do it. Vanity, oh vanity, I know you too well. As I harp on my kids about chewing with their mouths closed, they are quick to ask why, when their mother doesn't even do it. They also are quick to ask if they can wear tape on their nose to bed (because I wear a dang BreatheRite strip each night). Grrr.

Each spring, I have a resurgence of hope that perhaps there is some doctor smart enough to be able to perform a surgery to open my airway without giving me a big, ugly nose. And I blow a bunch of money, juggling my way from ENT, to neurologist, to naturopath, to chiropractor, to... this month, I have made an appointment with a plastic surgeon who specializes in interior tissue repair.

Poor DH is ready to kill me - I have literally spent thousands of dollars in search of some mystical cure. And then I give up, swearing off doctors (usually by the end of summer, and when I have maxed out what I feel I can drain out of our savings account). And then I deal with it and then the cycle begins again each spring. Why not let sleeping tissues rest? If I hadn't fuitlessly spent all this money, we could have easily gone on a deluxe family vacation each of the past five years. I kick myself all the time over this. Where are my own selfish priorities, anyway?

Some friends tell me I have the patience of a saint. I do not think I do in the least. I just have a lot of fight in me - and maybe some insanity, to boot. Apparently, I'm not so good at not getting my way. I know I should be celebrating that the pain I experienced the first year of this journey has disappeared, but instead I remain ticked off that there is no "cure." If anyone has any extra peace laying around, please pass it my way.

How to Prioritize

2011-05-16T23:25:00.000-05:00

I cannot imagine life as a TV watcher. The thought is one of the most depressing I can think of. Every night when I crash into bed, absolutely exhausted, sometimes with my shoes still on, I go to bed thinking about all the things I accomplished that day, from the mundane to the profitable. I even include things like remembering to start my day with morning prayers, learning a new song with my kids, and trying a new tea. And then my mind drifts to what's ahead.

There are so many things I want to do in my life and I just cannot imagine I will ever have enough time to do them. It's often difficult to even prioritize and figure out where to begin.

I really want to learn how to play trombone.
And I want to master painting on fabric.
And I want to learn how to can the homemade applesauce I make in the crockpot.
I also want to figure out how to actually be good at creating a website so I can make something great come out of the one for my hubby's contracting company.
I want to learn Spanish with my kids.

I want get back into writing more feature articles for magazines.
I want to learn how to tune my piano.
I want to video tape myself reading children's books so they have it to cry over once I die.
I want to write my parents' biographies in 10 pages or less each.
I want to see my friends from all over the world. (This is a lonely town to live in.)
I want to find an exercise routine that I enjoy and I can honestly work into my life. (Salsa dancing just isn't cutting it these days - DH is Polish. Enough said.)
I want to figure out the right method for marketing on a national, public scale, the safe environment videos my team created this year.
I want to hand-bead barrettes for myself.
I want to try sewing bandana pants for the girls before they get too tall.
I want to write more love letters to my hubby. And my kids. And my family and friends.
I want to gain the confidence to use our gas grill again (now that it's hooked up to the gas line on our house, I am scared to death I will blow up our house).
I want to volunteer at more TEC retreats.
I want to make fresh crab for dinner sometime.
I want to be the one who has the patience to teach Lillian how to tie her shoes.
I want to find new bedding for my bedroom.
I want to bring treats to my grandma in the nursing home more often.
I want to learn more about the healing properties of essential oils.
I want to do a million things each day and have no idea how I ever will have the time to do them all.

So there you go, I have just wasted a half hour babbling about just the start of all the things I want to do and how I don't have enough time to do them. Gah!

All Boy

2011-05-16T23:02:00.000-05:00

I distinctly remember the shock and horror that overcame me the moment I realized there was a penis growing in my uterus. How could I be pregnant with a boy? A dirty, snotty -nosed, worm eating, video-game playing boy? And then this sweet little cuddle bug named Grant entered our family and all the icky stuff disappeared from thought. He cuddles, still carries around a soft blankie, tells us he loves us all the time. When he was a toddler, I even wondered a few times if he might turn out to be gay - what a sensitive little darling who told me how pretty my fingernails were and wanted to wear barrettes in his hair.

But boy oh boy, there is no doubt that this kid is 100% boy. He growls. He can fart on demand. He is attracted to the idea of hunting (already at age 3!) and he uses his strong bodily force to get his way. I haven't seen frogs in the bathtub yet, but I did find a shriveled up worm in his pants pocket when I was about to toss clothes in the wash machine. He even whips out his "peanut" to pee in our yard when inspiration hits. My shoulders are slumping as I write.

I just have to thank God for those countless moments with my sweet-smelling darling. And that this brute of a boy will fit in just fine with society at large... if he can find a way to stop exposing himself in public.

Still Falling in Love

2011-03-15T21:45:00.000-05:00

If you are turned off by mushy gushy, consider this your fair warning. Close this page now.

I can't help but write about my wonderful hubby and how much I continue to grow in love with him. When I first started falling in love with him, it was because he simply was the nicest man I'd ever known. It's still true. His kind heart still inspires me and amazes me every day. He works on forgiving the jerks in our lives all the time - and never gives me a hard time about how long it takes me to get over grudges. He doesn't judge, he doesn't gossip, and he doesn't belittle. He is a wonderful leader through his great example - I can only hope I can be as good as he is some day. I feel so blessed that our kids get him as their dad.

He's also a leader when it comes to work ethic. He is incredibly driven. He never takes the easy or lazy route, and he really uses his gifts in beautiful ways. We make a great team in that way, which is a large reason I think we even found a way to make time to start dating. We both respect that the other works a lot and works hard. He never gives me guff for all the hours I put in and when he's in a particularly busy work time, he still makes time to show me his love. How awesome is that!

Not only is he a good guy, but he's a fun one, too. I don't always appreciate his corny humor, especially when it ventures into the 12-year-old boy-in-a-bathroom variety, but for the most part, he's growing on me. Somehow this wonderful man has found a way to make me laugh a lot, and frequently. Might not sound like such a feat, but if you know me well, you know that most things people around me find to be funny simply make me roll my eyes. I rarely laugh out loud at the same things most people do. But my DH has found the formula and I so deeply appreciate it.

And it doesn't end there. He's nice and he's funny, but he's also very interesting. Not in the "interesting" way you respond when someone asks what you think of their sauerkraut casserole. But truly interesting. He pays a lot better attention than it appears and he takes in a lot of what's going on around him...which makes for great conversations. He is so bright and observant and interested in life!

My DH is my very best friend and I appreciate him tremendously. And I know it's safe to gush about him here because he doesn't waste time reading blogs about personal feelings (like I do). So have no fear, you won't see him walking around with a big head. But don't be surprised if you see my lipstick mark on his cheek. I just can't seem to kiss him enough!

Not Sure What to Post

2011-01-25T23:49:00.000-06:00

I just realized that my most recent post here was way the heck back in beautiful October... right around the time of our last boat trip and sunburn. I've been really struggling with what to write, so I simply have not been. My mom always stressed that unless what you're saying is nice, keep quiet. Rather than get into some of the not-so-fun turmoil that seems to surround our little family, I've just stepped back.

But my heart has been so lonesome for writing. Perhaps I ought to just move to a private journal format. Or just stick with love notes to DH and thank-you notes to my loved ones. But I like to blog. So, here I am. Back at it. Wondering what to say that won't stir those rotten proverbial pots. Unfortunately, we have a few turbulent relations on both our sides of the families, so I simply bite my tongue and put my typing fingers in my pockets.

Thankfully, not everyone in our lives creates turmoil - it's just that the ones who do, do it in a huge way. My dear folks and my sweet sister and her family are still incredibly awesome. And thanks to a couple of funerals in less than a week, we have had the fantastic opportunity to get to know DH's uncle and family and fall in love with them. And our wonderful collection of friends all over the world continues to be our cherished "family by choice."

Speaking of awesome families, our dear kiddos are getting bigger and bigger. Both of the girls are really "getting" how to share and be kind to others. They are praying spontaneously for others and thanking God for the goodness we continue to encounter. Besides the beauty of watching them mature emotionally, the girls have learned how to read recently. I've been so excited for this time with them, and the number of books we pore through each night amazes me.

Lillian really seems to love our great language. And Breanna, while equally as good as Lillian with words and letters, has a real affection toward numbers. They both are adding up streams of numbers (2+4+3=9) and learning together. The more we work together on all this, the more I realize I would really love to study Latin - I've been finding myself looking up pronunciations on YouTube so I can better explain the roots of our words to the kids. Yes, I realize they still don't know Winnie the Pooh's name (they just call him a bear), but man, they are really just as interested in the roots as me! We can be nerds together!

Because they were May babies and premies at that, I used to wonder if they would end up entering kindergarten at age 5 and be the youngest or at 6 and be the oldest. No doubt, they're going next fall at age 5.

Grant has not missed a beat with all this learning going on. He is very hands-on, like his dad. All of our scissors, screwdrivers, knives, etc. are far out of reach in a locked closet. This kid will take apart everything he can - I recently caught him using a toy car to loosen a screw beneath our recliner. He also silently used his thumb nail to unscrew the bow of my glasses that sat on my nightstand while I slept. Besides being such a "handy helper," Grant is really developing a wonderful vocabulary. Plus, he's been fully potty trained for about six months now, which is a real treat in my book.

Amidst all the excitement within our house, DH and I have been thoroughly enjoying our down time together once the kids go to bed. We have shared some wine, shared some laughs, and had some of the nicest conversations. I look outside past our sweet little neighborhood and can't avoid seeing turmoil all around us, but right here at home, wow, are we blessed.

This is what I came home to

2010-10-04T22:58:00.001-05:00

Impromptu traffic witches at daycare tonight

Brown Marbles & Other Cuteness

2010-09-27T22:15:00.001-05:00

Baby Grant and I had some pretty awesome bonding time this past week when our dear daycare lady went on vacation. My little honey and I played at parks, bought his first pair of Nike tennis shoes, bought him some jeans just like daddy's (grungy-looking Levis), sampled treat after treat at Sam's Club, shared some decaf pumpkin spice latte, read story after story, played trains, and hunted for rocks that looked like guitars.

The week ended with a family trip to my folks' house up north, where he wanted to hold my hand while I drove. Awww.

While at my parents' house, Grant awoke on Friday night and went wandering through the house. He went upstairs in the dark in the middle of the night to look for me. Little had he realized I was sleeping next to him all night, since DH was not with us. On Saturday, he had his first tiny box of Milk Duds. Later in the weekend, he asked for brown marbles to celebrate him peeing in the toilet (which he's been successfully doing for nearly a year now). It took about 20 minutes of conversation to figure out he calls the Milk Duds marbles.

Little things, but such fond memories. Sure do love this little guy.

The Happy Yodeler

2010-09-16T21:38:00.000-05:00

Miss Breanna has learned a new skill at school. See below:

Oh, the stories...

2010-09-12T22:02:00.002-05:00

So back to preschool we go... kids happy... mom driving all over the place all the time... tall tales tripping off toddler tongues tantalizing the tireless...

I don't want to be so blunt as to say the twins have turned into full-blown liars, because although it is true, I would feel terribly sad if they became embarrassed someday if they were to come across this blog. So I'll gently call what they are doing "storytelling." Their imaginations completely blow me away.

Miss Lillian has resorted to basically lying any time you ask her anything. She doesn't often instigate it, but if you ask her if she's put her socks on yet, and you can see the socks on her feet, she will say she hasn't. If you ask if she just stole her brother's toy and you witnessed it, she will drop it behind her back and innocently say no. All. The. Time.

Not to put all the blame on Miss Lillian, here's another instance. At suppertime on the third day of school, I asked Breanna what happened during her day. She calmly responded with a very realistic story about how her favorite friend Eddie bit her in the arm and had to go to time out and how she didn't get to go outside for recess. When I asked DH if the teacher mentioned anything upon departure that day, he said not a peep was uttered. I asked the teachers on Friday and they roared with laughter. The whole tale was completely tall - and believable.

And then comes Master Grant. Thank goodness he's not lying, but he's certainly showing that same kind of imagination. After a big breakfast on a school morning, we dropped him off at Grandma Barb's for daycare. He started telling her how much he just loves oatmeal. He then asked if she had any and if he could see it. She pulled it out and he asked if he could talk to it. With a chuckle, she said sure. He proceeded to sit down and have a sincere face-to-box discussion, something along the lines of, "Oatmeal, I just love you so much. You make me so happy."

Yep, we're all a little nuts and getting nuttier every day...

Birthday Weekend Fun

2010-08-23T21:06:00.000-05:00

Each year, our family tradition is to head up to the lake for birthday weekend, usually the second-to-the-last weekend of August. My mom, my cousin Bill and I all have birthdays in the same vicinity, so we share our celebration and kick back. Every year that I can remember, Mother Nature has been mighty kind to us, including this year.

Billy wasn't with us, but we sure missed him. The kids spent a ton of time turning into prunes, I ate a three-marshmallow s'more, and stayed up until 5 a.m. having heart-to-hearts with my husband and brother-in-law around the bonfire. We enjoyed some tasty "Poke Cake" and grilled dinner, went on a couple boat rides, visited with friends and neighbors, opened some pretty nifty gifts, and generally had a super-nice weekend.

Poor Lillian sobbed as we left Sunday night, never wanting to leave the lake, but especially not wanting to leave Gramma Pamma. Within a half hour of departing on our two-hour drive home, I had three sleeping kiddos and a fresh coffee. I listened to public radio and enjoyed the shooting stars. Upon returning home and unloading my three munchkins, I unpacked the cooler, brought the wet clothes into the laundry room, and plugged back into the internet and caught up on the news. Just before bed, I read through all the kind thoughts my Facebook friends wished me - my birthday ended on a great note. The only thing that would have made it any better would have been if my dear hubby was by my side instead of staying up in Fargo to work this week. I miss him already. So far, my 34th year is off to a pretty good start.

Weird shift in peers

2010-08-19T22:02:00.001-05:00

When we lived in Fargo/Moorhead, I had my "special-interest group." The Red River Valley Mothers of Multiples were my gal pals - my home away from home. Though we came from very different backgrounds and shared very different lifestyles/goals/attitudes/careers (or lack thereof), we had the most important thing in common and that was being the best parents to twins/triplets/quads possible. The friendships I made there and the support I gave and received were immeasurable and truly so treasured. Gone more than 2 years now, I still love my MOMs.

When we moved to the middle of Minnesota, I figured I'd hook up with the local MOMs club and find a new group. Little did I realize until that first new club meeting that the club I'd left behind was super special and very, very unique. Though the club in my new town was smaller, it had a totally different tone and very different approach - this was moms' night out to go drink vs. moms' support group to share ideas on how to be the best parents. I went to two meetings before calling it quits. Then I tried the next-closest MOMs group - in Brainerd, a full hour's drive away. While these ladies were very nice and welcoming, logistically, it just wasn't feasible. This group was small too, but didn't have the strong online community I'd grown to love in Fargo. So, I just mourned and dealt.

Then about a year ago, I was invited to a luncheon group called Forum of Executive Women. All motivated movers and shakers in town. Wise, kind women with great business minds. Nothing to do with parenting, but fulfilling to say the least. Less than a year after joining, I was asked to be on the Board and I'm so glad I said yes. It's filled a different spot in my life and it grows each week.

I've always been a huge supporter of businesswomen and this group has very-much gratified all I've thought about the topic. Yay for business. Big yay for women! Super big yay for a growing camaraderie as we work to support one another and grow our strengths. I've already learned so much from these wise women and I'm sure that will continue.

Even though I'm not getting my twin parenting questions answered by experts any more, I'm recognizing that parenting is getting easier and that winging it with the kids is becoming more and more comfortable. Having twins is special, but it's not the only identifying factor about me and for that, I'm very grateful.

Weekend Magic

2010-08-11T23:53:00.001-05:00

This past weekend was a time of pure magic. Our very-dear family friend, Katie Jeffrey, married a wonderful man named Jon Shibata. Woo hoo! They shared their formal celebration with us at the fancy-pancy Grand Hotel in Minneapolis. Everything and everyone was absolutely beautiful. Stunning, in fact. But beyond the visual, the tone and the feel of the entire event was what really was impactful. There was such love, support, respect, and true joy in the bride, the groom, ALL their family, ALL their friends. It was something that left us glowing, even now, days later.

We all enjoyed getting dolled up for the wedding. The twins and my niece all had princess dresses, Grant got his first suit, Dan wore his tux, and I got to wear a fun party dress, too. It was great! My wonderful parents and my dear sis and niece were also there, and DH's super-cool cousin even joined us for a while; she generously went back to the hotel room with the sleeping little tykes so us revelers could revel. My dad, DH and I were the last in our group to finally hit the sack - around 4 a.m., I suppose. The whole thing rocked.

Upon our return, we came home to our every-day life as bumpkins. As a family, we blanched and froze corn on the cob, chopped a bunch of rhubarb for wine, and even disposed of a dead toad tonight. Yep, Lillian, our bug and critter lover, loved and petted her new friend the toad tonight - to death. "Look at how gooey his tongue is, mom." When I asked if he's still alive, she replied, "Of course. He's just tired." DH, being the good husband and dad that he is, took the cue to bring the creature down to the pond so he could go find his brothers and sisters and join them for some swimming. Welcome back to reality!

So grateful

2010-08-03T22:33:00.000-05:00

As I've met some new friends on some spiritual and emotional journeys this summer, some of the conversations eventually have led to the story of our miracle babies. Yes, I know all babies are miracles, but not all of them overcome less than 1% odds that they'll survive like my dear daughters have.

I've relived some of it, reflecting on the magnitude of the miracles for us. Why did it all happen? I hadn't questioned it until recently. My theory is that God knew I wouldn't be strong enough to cope with losing the twins. Or strong enough to handle major long-term health concerns with enough grace.

As I've seen so many loved ones face their own mortality in recent months, I've finally allowed myself to process the enormity of what we all went through. And I've finally grieved. "Grieve over what?" some might ask. Over not getting to enjoy a normal pregnancy, delivery, breastfeeding, nuzzling, cooing, "normal" family life. Over having to drive to the NICU every day to see them, day after day, week after week (wearing an eye patch, no less), not even holding one for the first couple weeks. Over having to handle a full year of colic times two - often all by myself. Over my own vanity when my face became disfigured and my girlish figure became squishy as a result of those precious little souls.

Just a couple weeks ago, I visited with a treasured colleague on a long car ride back from an out-of-town meeting. As we discussed social media and the role it can play in catechesis, I shared with him what a wonderful outlet this blog was for me. I told about how my readers are still across the globe and how much joy I receive from looking at the analytics of the site traffic. I explained why/how I first started the blog and how quickly things went from great to horrible to supter-de-dupter awful and scary within just a few short weeks of starting to journal. And how awesome the support was that I received from my dear readers. (Thank you, again.)

My colleague asked for permission to read the blog and to perhaps use it in a class he's teaching this summer on the East Coast somewhere about how social media isn't always so bad. Sometimes it works to create a community of church online when it's impossible to have that kind of support in person (such as being in a NICU with very restricted visitors). Just think about what CaringBridge has done to change communications.

I gave him my blessing to snoop away, then decided to go back to the beginning and read to today. I intended to start at the beginning post and check for typos and any need for editing. I stayed up until nearly 3 am reading it, bawling, praying, re-reading, not editing a thing. I hadn't realized until that early morning reading that even in my exhaustion I was a PR lady at heart. I didn't let on to my true agony. I shared hopeful, pleasant messages. I spared all the gore - heck, I didn't even go into how near-death these babies were or how incredibly sick I was. Or how alone and completely terrified I felt that the babies would die on my watch. Or for how long I was in debilitating pain from my nerve damage. And how I didn't ask directly enough for the support that I really should have been begging for.

Talk about a huge summer of reflection. I have learned so much from myself and I am really grateful for having had the time to finally process it all. I've also learned a great lesson in perspective. I am going to be sure to thank God each day for just how incredible this journey has been and pray for peace and healing for all my friends and loved ones who haven't had the kind of recoveries we've been graced with.

Bring on the Brown

2010-07-15T00:28:00.003-05:00

Not just the sand. Not just the s'mores. Nor my eyes. Nor my hair. And certainly not just my moles. But almost all of my skin is a little darker after spending a full July week at the lake. Hooray! I went into the week with three goals:

- Enjoy some time on an air mattress
- Give my mom nice-looking toenails
- Write two articles

Articles are still undone, but oh well. Next week I'll find an evening and wrap them up. The interviews are done and I've mentally written them already so it won't take long. The week really was terrific - spent with my folks and my sister and her family, and even some time with our dear friends, Clif and Clancy.

Because this vacation was the first time I've taken more than 2 days off of work in a row since the twins arrived (I think - it's been a blurry four years), I didn't know quite how I'd handle it. Thankfully, I didn't spend much time worrying - it was wonderful. Mellow. Slow. Casual. Sunny. And full of laughter and tanlines (finally!).

Here are a few of the highlights captured in pictures.

Ba-ack

2010-06-29T23:44:00.000-05:00

Hi, friends. Hi, blog lurkers. Hi, darlings. It's been a while and I've missed you. Well, not so much your comments, which are few and far between, but your presence. (Yep, I'm a nerd who uses analytics to see who's reading and when.) More than your lurking, however, I've missed writing.

So, what's to write about? Well, what's not to? We've been driving all over the place doing all kinds of stuff and completely ignoring the mundane. We took the kids to their first baseball game, first street dance, and first Canadian fishing trip (all in the last few weeks). We've hosted numerous wonderful guests at our home, popped a bunch of bonfire Jiffy Pop, eaten way too many s'mores, whipped up a couple batches of super-strong dandelion wine, met some new friends, and a pile of other summer fun.

The most exciting (to me, anyway) is that I'm officially taking a vacation - meaning more than two days off of work in a row - and not for recovery of any ailment. We are going camping for the holiday weekend and then spending the week at my folks' cabin. I'll still have wifi so I won't go through total withdrawal, but I will not be opening any emails from work unless it's absolutely urgent. Yay! I'm positively giddy as I'm planning a menu and making game plans for poor-weather days. This is FUN!

What's everyone else up to these days? Fourth of July plans? Happy summer, folks!

Spring-a-Ling

2010-04-16T00:59:00.002-05:00

As always, my famous last words continue to be a breathy "What a whirlwind!" I think I topped out at a million miles an hour this past month. DH went back to working nights at the factory and building his contracting firm by day. And I launched the biggest (and most public - in some ways) project I've ever had to handle myself. I rebuilt our diocesan website from scratch - with no previous web development experience and no staff with any either. Thank God for my sole employee, Barb, who made it all very attractive and worked side by side with me - many many days and nights - to pull it off well during Holy Week. I also called in a huge favor from a former colleague, sweet Jode, who guided us through the development tool and all our options and as well as handled all the super-techie stuff. We tapped into our official self-proclaimed hack for posing scenarios and testing theories, and thankfully, Tim didn't show his panic too visibly. As sucky as the hours were, it was worth all the work and tears and absolute exhaustion. The site is beautiful, functional, and so-so easy to use. I deem it a huge success.

Now that we've launched and tested, I'm finally going to take a vacation day. I hadn't dared to ask for a day off for fear my boss might just kill me. He has no idea what goes into building a website, but he did make it perfectly clear that I needed to find a way to do it - with no budget - with no staff - with no support - and in a jiffy. Well, now that the site is up and everyone is oohing and aahing, I'm going to gracefully sneak off the radar for a long weekend at the Mothers of Multiples state workshop (which is code for MOMs spa, in my book). There's something mighty therapeutic with surrounding yourself with 400+ other wonder women - with no kids in sight for the whole weekend. Hooray!

Although, with DH working nights and me working days, weekends are our only overlap time, so I am going to miss him a whole bunch. And our three crazy kiddos - well, I'm going to miss them a lot, too. Not single parenting, per se, but their adorable quirks and crazy phrases, for sure.

Breanna's biggies: "supter-de-dupter" and the "puppy-don't-run-away-string" (more commonly called a leash) and when we ask her something she's unsure of, she cleverly retorts "you tell me first"

Lillian's latest: "tell me that in a song instead of just saying it" and "I want to go back inside your tummy and go to sleep, I am so tired" and "who drove Jesus to heaven and what color was the car?"

Grant's greatest: just this morning, we walked into daycare to see Grandma Barb wearing shorts. He checked her out and said, "Nice panties." We, of course, roared. He also replies "green" whenever we ask him a question he's not sure of the answer for, such as "What day is it today?" And he insists on kissing the little children on his angel night light at bedtime, except for last night, when he pretended to eat them, sound effects and all.

But their craziness won't go to waste, as I'm bringing them up to my folks' house tomorrow for a weekend in the woods. That way, their nuttiness will be right at home.

Mellowing

2010-03-27T23:18:00.000-05:00

I am mellowing in a very gradual way. Just noticed it tonight. Perhaps because it's been so nonchalant.

Since first having to deal with my in-laws anew a couple months ago, my explosive temperament hit its peak and then somewhere began traveling back down to normal. I've dealt with a lot, and I mean a LOT of stuff in recent months, in terms of people doing and saying stupid and / or mean things. People in nearly every facet of my life. Some of them have pulled some pretty fast gut punches, and it's frustrated the heck out of me. Why can't we all just be nice and act respectable?

But in the midst, somehow I think I'm simmering down. Perhaps it's the warming weather. Or the busy-ness of the kids who are simply nonstop. Maybe I'm just worn out. Or could it be my prayers to God for some inner peace are working? Whatever it is, I am grateful. After my stressful weekend of entertaining in-laws, we've hosted a barrage of company and thoroughly enjoyed the socializing. I hope it's a sign of the tone of the summer, which is fast approaching.

Big lunchbox

2010-03-15T22:04:00.000-05:00

I realize that every kid has funny moments - heck, they even named a TV show after it a while back. If my documentation of quirky comments doesn't charm you, that's ok. This is my place to jot them down so I don't forget what MY silly kiddos do and say.

For instance, on our way home from daycare last week, we drove behind a minivan with one of those tomb things on top. Breanna quipped that they must be really hungry to have such a big lunchbox strapped to their van.

Later that same night, Lillian told us during dinner that she is too little to eat more dinner. The only thing that could fit is some frosting and some cake and three cookies and some steak. But no gum, because we only chew gum, not swallow it. Then she continued babbling about how she is getting so big and her tummy is almost like Santa's. She told us she is so big that she needs a bigger roof in her bedroom because she almost bumps the ceiling. (For the record, even when I stand on her bed, I cannot reach the ceiling.)

We've been encouraging them to let Grant talk for himself and let him learn how to say words by them zipping their chatterboxes. Since we've started, his words have been FLOWING out. His words and sound effects. When he says puppy, he instantly hangs his tongue out and pants. And when he says horse, he wiggles his butt to wag the tail.

Who doesn't just love kids?

Pretending not to care about being judged

2010-03-11T22:21:00.004-06:00

These past two months have been ... interesting for my marriage and interesting for me. For the first time ever, DH and I are on opposite planets. Not unfriendly planets, but just in very different worlds with very different takes. And it's really weird. I miss the "normal" that has been so comfortable for us ever since we first moved here.

Just before we moved about a year and a half ago, we made a very difficult decision to estrange ourselves from his parents. Both of DH's sisters agreed to do the same thing at the same time as a result of some escalating destructive behaviors on the parents' part. We let them know that we still love them and pray for them, but until they got themselves into a rehab program, we would not be exposing our precious children to their behavior. It wasn't long before the sisters made the decisions to send their kids to the parents' home for unsupervised care (for whatever their own reasons are - I refuse to speculate or judge them on it). We, though chastised up and down, held our ground. Not just chastised from DH's siblings, but subjected to some of the nastiest middle-of-the-night phone calls and emails from the parents. Garbage no offspring should ever have to hear their parents say. Our kids are simply too precious for us to take the chance of exposing them to such ugly, unhealthy situations.

Since making that big decision to separate ourselves, we have been treated like absolute garbage. It's part of the addiction thing - you deflect the blame. You deny the real problem. You have zero accountability. Regardless, some of the things that have been said and done are nearly unforgivable. Nearly. I think.

Suddenly, a big monkey wrench was dropped into our pleasant, mostly drama-free life in our new town. (Their contact attempts slowly dwindled as time went by.) About two months ago, DH's dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. 1-2 years to live. DH immediately forgave his parents and decided to spend as much time as he can with them trying to build the relationships they so easily demolished. I admire him so very much for being able to let bygones be bygones. He's sent all those nasty memories straight into the trash and is relishing the opportunity to build new ones.

On my planet, there is none of that unconditional love. No desire to see any of the people who have caused my wonderful husband (and me, too) so much pain. No excitement to see those who told all the rest of the family mean and nasty lies about why we were no longer in the picture. No trust. And certainly no wanting to have to give up my comfortable, drama-free life. Yet, I love and cherish my husband and recognize that I need to support him. He's hurting as he struggles with the fact that he will never have the relationship with his dad that he's always wanted. And that they still don't call him. And that no one has acknowledged one ounce of accountability with all the crap they pulled. And through all the hurting, he still just wants to be with his parents and longs to have a non-dysfunctional family.

Needless to say, I've been biting my tongue so much I've created canker sores. Over and over again. I've even gone with DH to their house two times. Can't say I've slept more than a wink there, but I went for DH. Constantly on guard, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Trying my darnedest to be polite and not explode at them. Aching to someday be able to forgive them. Forcing myself to have some compassion for someone who has just received his death sentence at age 57. Praying that I won't be forced into a situation where I have to whisk my kids away so that they don't see something inappropriate. Wondering what my blood pressure is when I'm in their house.

My darling of a husband, thinking he was giving me a break when it comes to logistics, informed me last Sunday that he'd invited them to our house instead of us having to pack up our little family and head to their place. They're coming this weekend. To my home. My sanctuary.

Soon after he told me, I wretched my guts out in the toilet. I didn't tell him. As much as I tell myself that I don't care what anyone else thinks of me, I know it's not true. Especially when it comes to them. I would give up lattes for life in order to not allow them the satisfaction in finding one ounce of ammunition to say about us. They've done enough of that without any real good material already. Should I give a rip about what these people, of all people, think and say about us? No. Not one single bit. After all, we have a wonderful little family and a beautiful home and in the big picture, we've got it pretty well put together. And yet, I give a big huge stinkin' rip about it all.

Needless to say, this has been a great motivation for us to finish up some stuff with our house. I installed window treatments for our new family room and the kids' rooms. DH finished the bathroom tiling and had the plumber in to finish the rest of that end of stuff. I hung pictures, bought a new tablecloth and rugs and a fresh welcome mat, planned a wonderful menu, ordered some fresh flowers, etc. I'm taking the day off tomorrow so I can clean high and low (yes, they would lift up a lamp to see if I'd dusted beneath it and would open bathroom drawers to see how clean they are - I know - I've set traps for them in our old house - they snoop).

When DH told me last night at bedtime that they had changed their minds (this is part of their MO - they like to call all the shots and make sure everyone is under their rule), that they are only coming for Saturday and then driving back home that night, I nearly lept out of bed to do a great big happy dance. I'm not sure why, but it has lifted off at least some of the pressure.

Talk about stressing yourself out for those who least earn that designation. But oh, how therapeutic this has been to get it off my chest. Now back to wiping down the laundry room. I wish all of you dear readers a much more relaxing weekend than I anticipate for myself. If you are of the praying kind, please pray for peace for me and good behavior for them.

Two

2010-02-25T22:59:00.000-06:00

Baby Grant has officially become a two-year-old, but he's still very much Baby Grant. Because of all the chaos that's come with funerals and the immediate panic/travel that goes along with learning that a parent has a terminal disease, I completely dropped the ball with Grant's birthday. He turned two on Sunday; we sort of celebrated by taking him to his first college hockey game Friday night, which we all LOVED. Then we played at home (inside and outside) all day Saturday. I baked up a fantastic, gigantic chocolate cake that night, and then we had a very low-key birthday that involved church, naps, taco dinner and tasty cake.

But have no fear, we're going to do a real party this weekend. Not that it will be anything much higher-key, but it should be fun, nonetheless. At least it won't be just our immediate family who didn't have time to shop for presents. My folks and cousin and a few family friends will be stopping by for a casual turkey dinner and some cake and ice cream, and perhaps a few presents or two to open. Which reminds me... I still need to shop for a few presents from us, too. What to buy a two-year-old who still snuggles but thinks he's at least 10... Where does the time go?

Got Gum?

2010-02-17T06:41:00.000-06:00

Our Grant has become a gum-chewing machine, and over and over again, he walks up to anyone he sees and asks, "Got gum?" We've wised up and resorted to giving him a quarter piece at a time because he sometimes forgets to keep chewing it and down it goes. It's hard to believe he's going to be two this weekend. He seems so much older at times, and yet, he still carries his blanket everywhere and wants to snuggle whenever he gets sleepy. How can you not love it?

Miss Breanna has become a bit funnier, as well. In the past month, she has really found her expressiveness. She is constantly raising and narrowing her eyebrows, winking with her whole face, and showing exactly how she feels without having to say a word. Not that she's often silent. But she's finding ways to enhance her communication skills and it's hilarious to watch how extremely animated she is becoming. She has also started to remember her dreams. Just this morning she told me - very nonchalantly - that there was a green whale under her arm in bed this morning. It was tickling her and she got a little scared, so she hid under her polka dot blanket. She doesn't quite understand what dreaming is, so it's still a reality to her.

Our Lillian is keeping us mighty entertained these days, as well. The more excited she gets about anything, the higher her little voice squeaks and the longer her sentences go with no breaks for air. She's very observant about everything around her. If you asked her right this second how many airplanes are the sky, she'd be able to rattle off the number without glancing up - she's just aware all the time. That means the questions come from all over the place about things we have no idea how to answer. Nothing like being humbled by a three-year-old who is already smarter than her parents.

Looking for the Silver Lining

2010-02-04T21:55:00.000-06:00

This has been quite the downer of a winter so far. I've been to two funerals in the past two weeks and have another one to attend sometime in the next few days. All people I've liked.

My brother-in-law's grandma is in the hospital and not looking so good. My friend just had brain surgery and is having lots of complications, still hospitalized, and we learned this week that my father-in-law has terminal lung cancer.

As DH sometimes says, "when it rains, it poops."

I've always been a pretty huggy wife and mother, but this past month, I feel like I've rarely spent time alone without some physical touch. I've even found myself picking up the kids in the middle of the night and just holding them. I am so very grateful to have such beautiful innocence at my fingertips. I'm looking for more of the good out there, so if you have any extra positive stuff, please send it our way.

Great Big Balls

2010-01-11T21:08:00.003-06:00

When I arrived at Grandma Barb's to pick up the kids from daycare today, Barb told me the kids entertained her with stories of their wonderful snowman. I barely raised an eyebrow - the snowman is from Christmas Day - nothing new to discuss, right?

"They told me their snowman has great big balls."

I chuckled.

She continued, "Just like their daddy."

We both cracked up.

Christmas Highlights

2010-01-09T22:59:00.003-06:00

Yes, I realize it's the middle of January and I'm just now sharing the fun of our Christmas. Yes, I'm still building the website for work, and yes, I am SO ready to get it launched so I can just not work for like - I don't know - two nights in a row or something crazy.

Back to Christmas, this was our first year we didn't have to travel. Oh, the joys of relaxation! And not only did we not have to travel, we didn't have to host. Technically, we did a little traveling, and technically, we had two very-loved guests in our home, but it didn't really count toward holiday stress. My parents came to our house on Christmas Eve day and we lounged. They're so low-key that we didn't have to stress out about cleaning super duty or serving everything to them. We ate great food (we made our first crown roast and it was delightful)! We had a birthday party for the guest of honor, including cake and the "Happy birthday dear Jesus" song. The dads took the kids out for sled rides and gigantic snow-woman building (they named her Crystal). And we thoroughly enjoyed the beauty of the children.

Then on Saturday we went up to my folks' place and had a weekend with them, with my darling sister, brother-in-law, neice, and cousin joining us. Dan even got to bow hunt in my parents' woods and shoot a deer, which was the highlight of his holiday.

All season long, whenever anyone asked Miss Breanna what she wanted for Christmas, she said she'd like a purple candy cane. Miss Lillian wanted happiness, and perhaps some candy, too. Needless to say, they received their treats and more and it was all truly magical for these little pumpkins. We spent a lot of time reading Christmas story books for children, and the kids really got into that. In one book, Breanna pointed out that Mary was riding on a beautiful dog into Buffalo-hem. Lillian corrected her that Mary was on a camel. Breanna reminded her that camels have lumps and that Mary's dog had no lumps. Ah, the memories.

Favorite gifts: the jumpolene, the soft babies, and the train set. Way to go, Gramma and Papa. Here they are in the new playroom, trying out the jumpolene, which is mugh bigger than I'd expected, but great nonetheless. Note Breanna's "hat." She came upstairs from the playroom wearing the doll sweater on her head just before Christmas, and when asked what she'd found, she replied with a shrug, "What, my head was cold." We've had a hard time getting her to remove it ever since. And note Grant's socks, er, his dad's socks. DH is finally learning to pick up after himself a little bit.

As a whole, the holiday was delightful. We all enjoyed the relaxed pace, had some time for reflection, and even got some wonderful fresh air. I know we're all feeling mighty blessed.

Reminder about bridges

2010-01-06T22:32:00.003-06:00

My wise mother used to remind me from time to time to never burn my bridges. And once again, I was reminded to thank her for sharing that wisdom.

This world seems to get smaller each day. Just this week, I came across someone who I once was extremely tempted to spout off to when he was acting inappropriately. Now, this person has matured into a respectable professional who approached me about donating to one of the ministries I manage. How glad am I for that invisible muzzle?

That invisible muzzle is probably one of my most prized possessions, although it doesn't work 100% all the time. One of my worst traits is my ability to spew some of the sharpest venom without raising my voice. I rarely let it be heard, but it's certainly there and can be harshly cruel, particularly when I see someone doing something mean or greedy intentionally. Because it really is not in my place to judge, I have to work deliberately to overcome this trait.

It's times like this when I realize it's worth the effort. It's also times like this that inspire me to make a resolution for the coming year. I aspire to keep my venom from reaching any other person's ears. Or even reaching a point of developing. We'll see how it goes. In the meantime, I'm going to focus on being thankful for all the good that surrounds us.

Icky Sicky

2009-12-16T00:15:00.002-06:00

Our household has the crud that everyone else around us also seems to have - going on 8 weeks now. I feel pretty bad for these kiddos, as everyone is drained and just not themselves. We're all starting a stronger antibiotic today, so hopefully it will do the trick once and for all. What a long fall/winter.

We moved Lillian's bed into her new bedroom in the basement this past weekend when we had our Nelson family cookie bake, which was fantastic in every way. We're excited to see that Lil loves her new room!

Because Breanna was feeling so icky on Sunday morning, she and I stayed home from church and watched it on TV. It was the TV Mass that I produce at work, and I was so proud of her for recognizing the cross on TV as the one in the chapel/studio at my workplace.

After TV Mass was done, she and I went into her new bedroom, which is still furniture free (at least until DH transfers the bed and dresser from Breanna's current bedroom upstairs). I asked Breanna where we should put her new bed and she said, "Right next to Lillian's bed in her new bedroom."

Ah, no. No way. Not a chance. Not even if pigs fly. They'd be up all night for years on end.

We opted for the second choice - using the window overlooking the pond as the headboard.

DH is going back into contracting full time as of Monday - meaning less than a week. That means no more evenings/nights at the factory. It also means that things around our house might start to be done, such as moving Breanna into her new bedroom, which has been completed and clean for a couple months now. Hooray!

Wish us luck as we all adjust to having a healthy house and two parents home each night again.

Where have I been?

2009-12-13T22:08:00.004-06:00

I've been trying my darnedest to keep up with my crazy busy trio, who have been battling colds for the last month. Because I don't use a computer when the kids are around/awake, that means I've been pretty lax on the social networking end of blogland.

Besides rocking and reading to coughing kiddos, we've all been enjoying the new developments in our children. Grant is telling knock knock jokes like crazy, and is also potty training himself.

Breanna and Lillian are bringing home homework and special requests for stuff from preschool every Tuesday and Thursday. They're also having a ton of fun learning Christmas songs and the difference between uppercase and lowercase letters. We've moved Lillian into her new bedroom into the basement and will test out the new room tonight. Breanna's moving down next, once we (meaning DH) move her stuff into her room.

Besides starting to get ready for Christmas and building a huge website for my company in my freetime, I'm also recovering from a recent surgery on my other foot. A hobbling and elevating and icing I go.

So that's where I've been. Certainly not in a mode that's relaxing or peaceful, but survivable and kind of fun nonetheless. Once this dang website is done, I'm taking some vacation time from work and am going to decorate my house finally and maybe some other "me" stuff.

If I don't get a chance to wish it to you in the next week or two, have a wonderful Christmas!

If only they knew

2009-11-15T22:15:00.002-06:00

The kids are chatting up a storm these days - never stopping even to breathe, it seems. And the things they say are, well, let's just say it's good they don't know what they're saying in "grown-up speak."

This weekend, Breanna was whining to us because our neighbor boy "keeps trying to turn me on." He was chasing her around with toy keys. He kept taunting, "I'm going to turn you on," clearly not realizing why we grownups were having such a chuckle.

That prompted his mom to make a comment about Lillian's funny statement to the neighbor dad. The week after my foot surgery, the neighbor dad took my van and picked up my kids from daycare each night. Apparently, one night, Lillian asked him if he was going to sleep over with Mommy. We continued our chuckles last night and his cheeks pinkened.

Then this morning, Lillian wanted to be with me while I got ready to go to church. I curled a chunk of her hair with my curling iron - something we've never tried before. She loved it, but we didn't have time to curl the whole head, so I told her we would curl the rest after lunch.

After church, Breanna commented that she wanted crows. Crows? Yes, lots of crows on her head. I asked if she meant curls. No - crows. Huh? She explained that they are noisy birds and she wanted me to put a lot of them on her head. Uh, ok. Perhaps not.

Grant appears to be not much of a talker, unless you tune out the chatterboxes and listen to him. He's much quieter with the softest little honey of a voice, but he's got a lot to say. He keeps imitating noises, such as a train, Dad's diesel truck, my coffee bean grinder, the garbage truck, the hair dryer, the flushing toilet, and the washing machine, to name a few.

The fun continues...

Lillian's Eyelids, Breanna's Marriages, and Grant's Chair

2009-11-12T22:40:00.002-06:00

Tonight my Lillian kept walking around, telling me her eyelids were dirty. She couldn't see out of them. They needed to be washed in the bathroom sink - and she needed her privacy. Wise mom that I am, I went in with her, only to learn that her "eyelids" were actually her green binoculars.

Breanna has been telling me each day who she just married. "I got married yesterday," is the line. So far she's married our daycare lady's son (who happens to be extremely punk/alternative, complete with spacers in his ears and tattoos galore), Auntie Lissy, Dominic (her classmate from preschool) and Daddy. Hmmm.

And, they're getting into knock, knock jokes. They don't understand them quite yet, but they roar with laughter when they get each other going. The favorite right now is, Knock, knock. Who's there? Cow. Cow who? Moo. They find it to be the funniest thing in the universe.

Grant isn't talking nearly as much as the chatterbox twins, but he's trying really hard to get in a few two-syllable conversation pieces. He's enjoying saying body parts and pointing to them. When he points at his diaper, he says, "Dirty. Poop. Pe-ew." Even when he's all clean. I honestly think that's what he thinks the name is. Poor kid. Hopefully we won't be worrying about that complex for long. He's peed in the potty chair about five or six times now. And he'll tell us now when he has to poop. Not that we make it to the chair in time very often, but once so far. Keep your fingers crossed.

The little tykes are growing up quickly. Our evenings and weekends are full of these things. What a treat!

Halloween at Home

2009-11-05T23:53:00.005-06:00

We had a lovely Halloween at home this year, and my dear ol' Daddy Do was able to join us for our fun day. My poor mom was battling the bug, so she kept her germs at home. Lillian was beyond elated to be a lollipop. Breanna was ok with being a peppermint, but she kept changing her mind. In the last month, she wanted to be a puppy, no kitty, no monkey, no toaster, no pumpkin, no sunshine...

I thought Grant was going to wrap up the theme in his cotton candy costume that I'd spent a couple hours working on -- until he boycotted it, that is. He was terrified of the bag; he wouldn't let me near him with it and when I snuck up to try it on him, he threw himself to escape and ran and hid behind the recliner. Plan B - he wore Lillian's puppy costume from last year. All was good.

After the trick-or-treating was done, we celebrated my dad's birthday with a smiley cake and then some presents in our new basement family room - what a treat to hang out by the fire together! All in all, the "holiday" was a real treat for all of us.

Are we the only ones?

2009-10-26T21:46:00.003-05:00

DH and I saw each other for about 15 minutes this afternoon. It was a lovely little date. And we had a great visit. About our "normal" state of chaos.

I've had a nasty cold the past week or so, and it's really done a number on me - I think the cold medicine has made me particularly panicky about dumb stuff. Stuff like Lillian's special bag, among much other stuff. Poor DH must be beyond frustrated with me at this point.

On Thursday when we picked up the girls from preschool, Lillian came out with a canvas bag. I had her bring it back to her teacher to ask if it was supposed to be left there. The teacher said it was a Sharing Bag or something like that and that it was mentioned in the newsletter. Lillian was expected to bring it back on Tuesday.

This weekend, I dug through all kinds of papers and artwork and newsletters and junk mail, but to no avail. No newsletter explaining this bag. So I sent the teacher an email, asking for more specifics. Do we need to bring it back with stuff to share (i.e. snacks) or something of Lillian's to share for a Show and Tell type of thing? No response. And of course, the newsletter section of the school website is empty. I finally gave in and bought a big pack of snacks to bring incognito in case that's what's needed. And I helped Lillian pick out a special toy to share. Wonder how it will go...

I mentioned all this to DH this afternoon and he chuckled, commenting that the teacher would understand - life with preschoolers is chaotic. Then I pointed out that our life is way more chaotic than most, which is why I'm becoming neurotic in so many ways. He questioned me. Duh.

I work full-time days with a workload that could easily take at least 80 hours a week to fulfill. The kids are shuttled between daycare and school. I raise them and have all the house duties on my shoulders alone in the evenings. He works an evening job for 40 hours a week, and spends his daytime hours trying to start his contracting company here in a new community, as well as finish up our basement (which I'm convinced will never be fully complete, but that's another post). We still haven't moved into half our house, which means our three-stall garage is still full of boxes and I'm still parking outside. In our freetime, I'm having foot surgery and colds and other dumb stuff, trying to find some "normal."

We then talked about how almost all the other preschool kids are dropped off by moms in workout clothes and big fancy SUVs, clearly not ladies headed for the office. No wonder they always seem so calm and slow-moving. And no wonder we always seem to be on the run. But I guess it's par for the course. It's the decision I make each night - to read and work puzzles with the kids, to enforce bedtime routines and ensure we all say prayers - instead of plunking the kids in front of a TV and working on unpacking and organizing. It's a conscious decision, and though there's some sacrifice of sanity, I do deep down believe we're going in the right direction.

But man... is there hope? Will we ever get to be just a couple of 40-hour/week workers on the same schedule, eating as a family and visiting without one of us having to be home on sick leave in order to do it? Some day...

Patience of a Saint

2009-10-13T10:22:00.003-05:00

It's a phrase I hear often - in the top 10 of most repeated phrases. "You must have the patience of a saint." And each time I hear it, I smile. Not because I actually am patient - in fact, I am one of the least patient people on the planet - at least on the inside. The reason I smile is because that phrase brings to mind my mom, every single time I hear it. Because she IS as patient as a saint. Perhaps she is just plain a saint. Too early to know for sure.

I had the wonderful opportunity to see Mom's patience in action just this past weekend. She took me in to the surgery center at 4:30 a.m.(!) on Friday to get my foot operated on. And when I woke up, she stuck with me as I faded in and out, never getting frustrated when I'd stop the conversation mid-sentence.

Throughout the weekend, I was not a model patient - well, maybe I was a good patient, but not a good hostess. I sat back and let Mom and the kids wait on me, and Mom wait on the kids, and also do some major slave labor. With a song and a smile, she just kept asking how else she could help. Even when the kids were whining, not feeling good, fighting, being toddlers, she smiled and tried distracting them with games and activities. All the while, she had the washer/dryer going all weekend and scrubbed stuff every time the house quieted with nappers.

If any of you know my mom, this doesn't sound like anything new. After all, she's been the Mrs. Cleaver role to many of our childhood friends. She's one where you just know that her true calling is to be a mom, whether to her own children or someone else's, she's always a mom. She nurtures, she has wise advice when she's asked for it, she doesn't push, she doesn't pull, but she always helps keep the big picture in perspective. She's one of those people who, when she says she's going to pray for you, you know she's going to do it diligently.

This semester, she's teaching a few college classes on top of her full-time career. Building a stronger base for her retirement (see? wise...), she's swamped every day, weekends included. Her patience is getting a real run for the money and poor Mom is simply dumbfounded by all this. And yet, she politely responds with the ultimate appropriateness, sounding patient as ever, continuing to lead by example.

I sure hope I pick up more of that patience trait as life goes on - it seems to really suit her well. May God bless my patient saint of a mother.

Radicchio

2009-10-01T22:43:00.003-05:00

As the kids and I snuggled into a pile of blankets on the floor with a pile of books tonight, Lillian looked up at me and grabbed my nose. "Mom," she said, "You have a big nose. It's almost as big as Daddy's."

Breanna piped in, "Almost, but his nose is big big big, like this," as she extended her arm all the way out to show how incredibly long the nose is. "His nose is like bumpernickle's."

"Bumpernickle?" I asked.

"Yes, that naughty boy who didn't tell the truth," she explained.

Lillian quickly corrected her, "That's not his name. It's Radicchio. Silly girl."

None of them noticed that I was laughing so hard I had tears.

A Time to Cleanse

2009-09-29T21:17:00.003-05:00

I just returned from a TEC weekend in Belle Prairie, MN. I helped staff a Christian retreat that has held a spot in my heart for the last 16 years; I was a resource, which means I guided and journeyed along with a small group of people experiencing TEC for the first time. The people on this weekend's retreat were amazing - beautiful souls - wonderful hearts. The spiritual director made me proud to work for the church and honored to be part of the experience. I made a lot of new friends and enjoyed working with some folks whom I really respect.

I had not been back to the TEC center for nearly four years - the last time I worked I was newly pregnant with the twins - it was there that my belly "popped" and I began to show.

Since my last retreat, I had certainly experienced a lot. My life is completely different now than it was then. Thankfully, a few important things have remained constant. My faith life has remained strong, my husband has grown even more cherished to me, and my family has continued to be awesome.

As I began to mentally recap the in-between years, I realized why I'm so tuckered out these days - life has been absolutely wild. There's been a lot of good and I SO greatly appreciate it. But there have also been a huge number of hardships - some really big ones - in a very condensed period of time. I was stricken with sickness, had babies who faced death, got "fired" from our first daycare provider, survived a really tough first year of preemie life (times two), started working for and soon left a totally nutso ad agency, gave away my dogs of 7 years, lost half my grandparents on the same day, dealt with way too much alcoholism from my in-laws, watched a couple cousins get cheated on, sold a house, built a house, lost my biggest client ever and sold the new house without even moving in, took a job on "the client side" - nonprofit - church, no less!, uprooted us all into central MN to take a job where those who need me the most don't want me there the strongest, inherited an explosive employee who actually tried to sabatoge me, learned that our hiring freeze meant that getting rid of crappy employees simply means I've doubled my workload, watched my poor husband give up his thriving company and move here at the worst possible time, became a single mom each M-F while my DH took a "factory job" working evenings, struggled with the massive pay cut that resulted from DH's giving up his company, spent a fortune on the kids' teeth to fix the prematurity problems, juggled myself between docs trying to find a way to fix my face, developed killer bunions, watched some loved ones suffer from cancer, etc.

No wonder it's felt like such a long road.

During this long road, I haven't given myself the time to process it all and grieve - the last time I'd even cried was when I was still in the hospital with the twins - heavily drugged and extremely foggy due to the physical pain. This past weekend, I finally had the luxury of time to let myself deal with it all and rejoice in surviving it.

I am so relaxed and so grateful for the opportunity to finally let go of some of that baggage. And so exhausted. I'm pretty sure I'm a little disfunctional, since I only seem to let go that freely at the TEC center, but perhaps it means I just need to go back more frequently than four years at a stretch. Next time, I'm bringing DH with me.

If you love yourself even the tiniest bit, you owe it to yourself to attend one of these retreats. It's based on Christianity, but I know of a couple people who went there as atheists who even had great experiences. It's the best investment of less than $100 I can possibly imagine. www.cmtec.org

The toad

2009-09-23T23:10:00.002-05:00

My kids are a little too sharp for their own good, I'm afraid. When I drove up to daycare yesterday, all three kids nearly knocked me down in excitement to show off the toad Breanna was holding. I asked his name and Lillian replied, "Frog." Breanna said, "No, toad."

They then announced that they were going to bring him home with us. Uh, no. Smarty pants that I am, I explained that he doesn't have a carseat, so we couldn't buckle him in. Breanna quickly retorted, "I'll put him in my cup holder. See? He fits?" Oh, no no no. When I had her remove him and take him back outside, she commented, "I can use my shoelace to buckle him in. He'll be nice and safe."

She stumped the mom here - pretty good logic for a three-year-old. I talked her and Lillian into leaving their new pet in a box with some leaves. They each kissed him goodnight. Thankfully, no prince appeared.

This morning when the girls were dragging, not wanting to put on shoes, I reminded them that we'd better get to daycare to check on that toad and see if he needed breakfast. With that, they leapt into their shoes, raced to the van and buckled in before I even had MY shoes on. Another day in the life...

Missing

2009-09-18T21:24:00.002-05:00

This crazy life is crazy. Not in a wild, drug-dealing, night-club dancing kind of crazy, but a much less subtle, equally-as-wearing kind of way. I miss "normal." Along with normal, I miss alone time with my hubby - awake alone time. I miss my patience. I miss work-free evenings once the kids are in bed. I miss down time. I miss my energy.

With my DH working evenings, I try to get home at lunchtime a couple days a week to have a quick bowl of cereal and then visit with him for a half hour. I miss him so very very much. Then the weekends come and we try to catch up on life and what's all happened in the past week. We end up talking logistics of children and work and always seem to run out of time for just "being" and laughing. He tries to give me a break from the kids, yet they all want to be all together, so I end up exhausted by the time Sunday night rolls around.

The last several weekends, my DH has been gone - working or hunting - which means I've been a single parent all week, and then the weekends, too. Needless to say, I've crossed into the realm of beyond overwhelmed with our three precious children. I feel it in my crabby voice, in the way I holler, the way I snap and the way I don't sing to or with them much these days. It's so sad and I feel awful that the situation has gotten the best of me, and yet, even when I pray about it, I only seem to mellow out for a few minutes before yelling at whoever dumped cinnamon all over the floor. It's a constant race and I'm absolutely drained.

Thank God DH will be home with us tomorrow for a whole day. I know some quality family togetherness would be lovely, but I'm using the time to take a break. I'm going to the salon in the morning and then finding someplace to wander around aimlessly. It's my only chance for the week. On Sunday, DH is going to run back to Fargo for another day of work, so I'll be at it alone again. But come next Friday, I'm going to do something really exciting! I've signed up to work a TEC retreat - which I haven't done since having kids. I'm elated just knowing the kinds of refreshment comes out of those experiences. And I'm delighted to truly get a break from the kids!

I know that with the way God works through TEC retreats, I will come away most likely with a renewed focus - not on what I'm missing but what I'm blessed with. And that's what I miss the most. I'm so thankful to know of a do-able means to getting that perspective back in check.

First Day of 'cool

2009-09-01T21:39:00.006-05:00

I'm beat after the twins' first day of pre-school today. Once I finally got them to bed last night, I was able to pack their backpacks with all the stuff on the list from school. And pick out clothes. And iron little pants. And prep for breakfast (since we'd be getting up almost an hour earlier than normal in order to make this all fly). It all added up to a late night for me.

The girls are in separate classrooms across the hall from each other in our local Catholic elementary school. I was delighted when the teachers called a few weeks ago to say they have so many students they had to open up two classes and that meant I had the option to keep the twins together or not - my call. Hooray for options! The decision to go with different rooms was natural for us - they are such opposite kids.

When we went in to wake up Lillian this morning, she popped up and excitedly asked, "Do we get to go to 'cool today? Today?" Yes, finally, the day had come after many weeks of buildup. Up early, we had a lovely family breakfast of real opeemeal (oatmeal) with fresh blueberries and cream, yogurt, and bacon. The dropoff of the kiddos at school went well, as did the dropoff of Grant at daycare - alone.

The pickup was uneventful, too. Both girls were exhausted by the time 11:30 rolled around and nearly conked out on their way to daycare. Both had a great time (and Grant loved having Grandma Barb to himself all morning, too).

Neither twin exhibited any anxiety about her sister (I was so curious), but they did talk a lot about each other. For show-and-tell, Breanna brought her little watering can so she could talk about all the "plowers" she and her sister helped water this summer. Lillian wore her green admission bracelet from our trip to the farm on Friday. She told her class about how the crabby donkey tried to eat Breanna's finger but he tasted some blood and decided not to bite it off. Thankfully, there were no stitches needed for show-and-tell.

I guess this means we officially have a couple of big kids and a toddler. I don't know if that's better than three toddlers or not.... will have to get back to you on that one.

My cousin's inspiration

2009-08-25T22:45:00.002-05:00

I have a pretty cool cousin out in Washington. Even though I haven't seen her in person in at least a decade, probably more, I know she's cool because we've connected through Facebook/blogs in the last couple years. We've even visited on the phone and hit it off famously.

She recently started a blog that simply states things she's grateful for that day. Simple, but beautiful. Now I'm inspired.

I've been struggling with trying to figure out the relevance of Twitter in my life, and this might just be the connection I've been searching for. I haven't been drawn to tweet in the least, but I kind of feel like I need to use the technology just for the sake of understanding it. Aghghghgh - the pressures of being a communications consultant. This might be my ticket, though. Do-able and not much of a chore at all.

Thanks, Barbie. Wish me luck! Today, I am grateful for your inspiration.

My obsessive research topic of the month

2009-08-13T21:39:00.003-05:00

As my dear husband would say, I'm dabbling in voodoo. After consulting with an MD who also has a naturopathic medical degree, we've agreed on an experimental treatment plan to kick me the rest of the way back from this Bell's Palsy crap that has been hanging on since April 19, 2o06. I went in to him because my podiatrist insisted I have a family doctor before he does surgery so he can have someone to send the results to. I told him to just send the results to me. We went round and round on that topic, as well. But that's besides the point.

I had a strategy on this one. The doc I picked is very well-rounded - traveling the world to learn different approaches and often lecturing on new and unique treatments that most American MDs have never bothered looking into. So I went in for a "family checkup." When he asked why I picked him, since he books out 4 months, I told him I really was hopeful he'd notice my BP and have some magic suggestion for how to get rid of it.

Aha. The more we talked, the more he explained that based on a lot of factors I'd shared, he'd be willing to bet I got BP due to Lyme disease that had been dormant in my system, but deep in my tissues. Once the twin pregnancy got to be a major strain on my body, the Lyme came out fighting and damaged part of my facial nerve. (I was delighted to hear this, because earlier this same year I had been to a different naturopath who diagnosed Lyme disease - dormant - through EDS - and helped me kill the virus homeopathically.) It made sense. Finally something that added up.

I asked if he thought surgery would open up my affected nasal passage so I can breathe through that side of my nose again and his eyebrows shot up. Surgery? Don't you think it's a little drastic? I told him it's been three years and I just want my nose to work. If my smile looks like a smirk forever, I can handle it. If my eyebrow never works again, ok. True, I'll never be hit on again by a stranger, but really, I'm married and I can handle it - I've had three years to get used to that ego blow. I just want my nose to be able to breathe so I can eat a meal and be able to chew with my mouth shut for every bite - and not have to wear a very unsexy BreatheRite strip to bed for the rest of my life.

So he came up with an untraditional treatment plan that is making me stink like vitamins, poop way more frequently than I'm used to, and clean out my savings account more quickly than I'd prefer. One of the protein products makes me gag, then shiver at it's grossness each time I take it - twice a day. I shivered just now as I wrote about it. If ever you get an inkling to drop 60 bucks to try K-Pax - listen to these words of wisdom - nothing could be grosser - it's like drinking someone else's puke. Add to that, 4 mega-concentrated fish oils, 4 lipioc acids, 4 CoQ10s and a D each day, as well as 5 portions of veggies and 3 fruits. Now as if that doesn't sound icky enough - I'm also doing something I consider to be extreme.

I started an IV therapy this week - 250 grams of Vitamin C and a concoction full of other mega healing properties. Next week I go in for 500 grams, the next week for 750, and then 8 weeks of 1000 grams. To put this into perspective, the daily recommended value is 60 milligrams. To convert what that means, I'll be receiving 1 million milligrams. It's expected to take around three hours to get that much into my system each time. Whoa.

So, between last week's appointment and this week's first IV, I've been researching online every free moment (not that there have been many at all - I've been SWAMPED at work). This is a treatment that natural-type people use to treat cancer. Needless to say, I'm cautiously optimistic. If it doesn't work, fine, I'm out a few thousand bucks and I'm stuck with a face that doesn't fully work but can live with. But at least then I'll know to just give up and finally allow myself to grieve and face the reality.

If it does work, though, wow - what a great investment! So, please say a prayer for this to work and for me to not get consumed with anxiety over it all. My wonderfully supportive husband is usually awesome, but he's really skeptical on this and less than happy with the amount of money I'm investing in it. I'm trying to explain that while he pours his extra money into hunting gear and trips out West, we can consider this my hobby. (It's still less than what he spends on hunting, I'm guessing.) But he is worried that I might grow a tail or start spouting green hair on my nose or something. Guess we'll just have to wait and see...

The way they talk

2009-07-31T22:53:00.002-05:00

I'll be the first to admit, I am easily amused by my kids. The things they say and the way they pronounce them makes me chuckle at least a half dozen times a day.

They love talking about tooting and vehicles and babies and God and water towers and baking and all the wonderful places they spot letters and the size of poop and how much they love the dentist. They've just started roleplaying, Lillian always wanting to play baby Jayda and Breanna is a different kind of Jayda. When they sing the alphabet, each time they get to L they automatically sing "L for Lillian."

Some of my favorite mis-pronunciations include plutterbys and pink-o-lows (sprinklers) and me-plection (reflection) and tattoons and nicnacs (picnics) and neck-a-nicks (necklaces) and many more. Their F sound always comes out as a P sound, so that alone makes stuff sound silly. Life in our house is punny (funny).

Summer Fun

2009-07-22T07:42:00.000-05:00

Here are a few of our summer memories so far, captured.

1. We survived our first family trip to the strawberry farm in late June. You probably can't tell in the photo, but I'm carrying Grant in the lead - he couldn't make it even one step without having to stop and snack.

2. The kids artfully made "trees" out of the bag of zip ties Dad left out the morning of July 4 - all in the time it took for mom to pour and deliver a cup of coffee to Dad, who was sleeping in.

3. Fourth of July was spent at home, with the family enjoying the wild and crazy sprinkler.

4. Grant tried out his vintage surfing suit and we all crashed in exhaustion after that afternoon.

5. We rearranged our living room, leaving just enough room for a hiding spot small enough for Grant. He loves peeking out of there!

I yelled back

2009-07-20T21:03:00.002-05:00

While at the podiatrist today, talking about my upcoming bunion surgery in October, he tried having a little "chat" with me about the types of shoes I wear. He was shocked and disappointed that I showed up at my orthotic fitting wearing sandals. He implied that I didn't even want to get positive results from the upcoming surgery.

Our conversation went kind of like this.

"What kind of athletic shoes do you wear?"

You mean like tennies? I don't wear tennies.

"What do you wear when you work out?"

I don't have time to work out. I have three little tiny kiddos and a husband who works evenings. Are you kidding?

"Well what do you wear when you're running after kids?"

Whatever I can slip on and chase them in. Sometimes just socks. Never anything complicated.

"What about when you go shopping?"

I pay $20k in daycare annually and my husband took a 75% paycut to move here, and that's the extent of my shopping money.

"What about groceries?"

I try to order them online.

"Well then how do you stay so slim?" (as if he didn't believe me)

I chase after three kiddos and rarely have time to eat. Plus, if you saw me naked, which you never will, you'd know that my bones may be small, but the rest of me is plenty squishy. I clearly do not work out.

"Well then you need to get into some good athletic shoes. I'll write down a couple brands for you to look at and then buy them at one of these two stores."

The $100 sandals I'm wearing came from one of those stores and was recommended by the clerk to be supportive for bunions. Plus, the second I walk in the house with anything with laces, my kids will sniff them out and promptly unlace them and tie them in knots before we even get up the stairs. Plus, I wear dress clothes in my career - I can't wear tennies. We even have a dress code that says so.

"They come in different colors besides just white, you know."

Yes, but have you ever seen lace-up loafers look appropriate with a skirt? Can't I just avoid sandals and instead go with some nice slip-on loafers. Do you know how tight my hamstrings are after back surgery years ago? I think I'd ache forever if I had to wear flat shoes.

"You don't really expect this surgery to be the cure-all if you're not going to at least try to help the situation, do you?"

Well, you don't really expect me to dress like a grandma just to please you, do you? Who's your biggest competitor in town, anyway? I'm finding someone else who will support me in my lifestyle instead of listening to someone talk down to me and not even consider a discussion about finding a solution to fit MY life.

And off I went. And after work this afternoon, I promptly came home and plunked my new orthotics into some lovely slip-on loafers to break them in for the first hour - I even set the timer. See, I AM a good patient who listens, but only when the talk isn't nonsense. Flat tennies, my foot.

Spooning Rainbows

2009-07-10T23:50:00.004-05:00

As I drove into my peaceful neighborhood after a lovely dinner with a woman whose children I used to babysit all those years ago, I was mesmerized by the double rainbows taking up nearly half the skyline. They were vibrant, fresh, and awe-inspiring.

For some reason, I couldn't help but think of them as being like DH and me. In a mushy, reflective mood, I drew the parallels - the brighter, stronger rainbow stretched across the sky, full of life and energy. The more subtle, soft outer rainbow cozily tucked around that bold one, not smothering, just comfortably near. So different, yet so complementary.

The pictures don't do them justice, but then, never do the ones of DH and me together.

Yo God...

2009-06-26T21:31:00.003-05:00

From the voice of my oldest three-year-old in bed tonight, about 10 minutes after we prayed and tucked into bed:

"Yo, God. Pix my broken toesies now and make 'em nice and shiny again. Got it?"

Where do the checks go?

2009-06-24T23:08:00.002-05:00

It's been a year where I've written out more checks to medical providers than anyone else, including our daycare lady, who I pay each Friday. Not a good sign.

Between dental disasters with the twins and a new crown and upcoming filling for myself, new contacts (more than twice as expensive as those I used to wear), meeting the $1000 deductible for each of us, a lump on my uterus that magically disappeared the day after an ultrasound, exploration of naturopathic care and chiropractic for Bell's Palsy, the upcoming visit to a podiatrist (tomorrow - to see about fixing these damn bunions) and an upcoming trip to an ENT to talk about fixing my Bell's Palsy symptoms, I feel broke. And sick of running.

Last month, I honestly wrote out more in medical/dental bills than either of my paychecks brought in. What do people without savings accounts do? Is that why so many people have rotting teeth? Maybe I just need to find a few more hours in my weeks to pick up some more freelancing. Or not. (I do wish I could squeeze in a little more writing - not for the money so much, but the relaxation. Oxymoron of the month: it's too stressful to try to fit in time to do something relaxing and rewarding.)

I realize that none of these issues is earth shattering. Nothing is critical or unbearable or deadly. For that, I am truly grateful. But man, they are expensive when you add them all together. I'm hoping for a good visit tomorrow and some quick results to get back to feeling somewhat normal again. Someday...

The buzzing in my brain

2009-06-17T22:47:00.003-05:00

If you know me at all, you know there is no 'turning it off' time for me. I don't have a TV in my house and I don't read fiction. If my kids are asleep and my husband is working (every week night), I'm thinking about work and ways to improve how it all comes together.

A main priority of my office (the communications office) is to redo our website. The current one is more than a decade old and hasn't been improved upon since the initial build. Needless to say, it's horrible. Everyone I know is convinced that we just need to start from scratch and build a new one from the ground up - and do it right with the ability to adjust it as user needs change.

Unfortunately, the team of 12 who hired me have no idea what our needs are, in terms of skills, technology, personnel, etc. I recognized that the entire group is near retirement age, so when I interviewed, I purposely understated my capabilities (I secretly was hoping to not get the job offer because it would be such a huge change, plus I knew that if I did the job, it would be way more rewarding to exceed expectations rather than the opposite). I bluntly said that I do not have graphic design skills, nor do I have website design skills. I have an eye for design and a head to comprehend the big picture and getting the right message to the right audience. And I have a great understanding of the importance of web content, ease of use, and so on when it comes to a website. And I can write web copy well, which is a totally different writing style than ads or brochures.

Shoot, what these folks need is a cross-platform IT person who is also a graphic designer and a PR specialist and a public spokesperson and a writer and a marketing manager and a videographer and about a million other specialties. When they told me about the robust staff who handles all of the graphic design and web design, I was relieved. I could handle the rest.

Little did I know that I was inheriting a "graphic designer" who had community college training back in the day when folks literally cut up pictures and taped them onto paper and made copies in order to make an ad. And that the website guy has a master's in theology and just happens to tinker on computers at home after hours, but has no formal IT training. Plus, he doesn't even work in the communications office - so any time he gives is borrowed from his office. He's an awesome smart guy, but our structure makes the whole thing screwy. The "designer" has since quit during our hiring freeze, so now it's all me.

I am bucking the idea of having to learn how to code a website. In a big way. Ick. Icky pukey ick. And I'm against using some lame template system that doesn't allow for the classy artistic design we've been establishing as our brand. As I'm trying to figure out where to go with all of this, I've been enlightened by a few people who are way smarter than me in this area, and now my mind is swimming. I'm going to do my darnedest these next couple days to simply ignore the whole issue. It really is overwhelming and tiring and daunting. So on to focusing on very unrelated things. Like accounting work. And press releases. And networking/schmoozing opportunities. And a manicure. And making sure I have fresh creamer for coffee in the morning.

Boy oh boy.

June 12th - the most emotional day of my year

2009-06-12T23:12:00.002-05:00

My darling daughters, who turned three a full 6 weeks ago, were due to celebrate their birthday today. And each year since their birth, their due date has brought on an onslaught of tears and hugs and an overwhelming ache of relief.

Six weeks early. Who ever knows what prematurity is until you visit a baby in the NICU who is too fragile to even stroke, much less hold. Just remembering the intense fear of having to bury our babies, whose odds were less than shitty, my heart is pounding and it hurts to breathe.

I had a really tough time playing the mean mom role tonight. With DH working nights and me being a single mom each evening, bedtime is certainly not fun for any of us. The girls, Breanna especially, really pushes - often not staying in bed for good until 11 or later. (Thankfully Grant is the most wonderful little guy in the universe - he likes to cuddle for about 1 minute, give a kiss goodnight, and then nuzzle into his blanket and go to sleep.) With the twins, though, it's a constant, draining battle, both physically and emotionally. Like most nights, tonight I just wanted to rock these miracle babies without having to worry about the consequences of overtired kids tomorrow. Unlike most nights, however, I let my emotion dictate the decision to rock the girls to sleep late into the night.

As I smelled their soft, clean hair and stroked their smooth little hands, I couldn't hold back the tears of gratitude. Thank God for letting these children live. And live so well! They overcame every obstacle the doctors told us to expect and really, they are perfect little beings.

June 12 will never be the same.

A week in the life...

2009-06-08T22:42:00.003-05:00

I woke up late on Sunday morning to the smell of bacon. Not only had my extremely wonderful husband let me take a turn sleeping in, but he also got up with the kids and made a real breakfast. And then delivered a plate to me in bed. Honestly, could there be any sweeter gesture?

Listening to the chaos out in the kitchen, I felt guilty, so I picked up my plate and joined the rest of the crew in the kitchen. Grant was wearing no pants. Neither was Lillian. And Breanna had on her jammies upside down with two different colors of socks. Gotta love it.

With DH working evenings M-F, our time together as the whole family is pretty limited, which is why we really treasure our weekends. It's also the only break I get from our three little darlings, so I often find an errand I need to run - even if it's just to the grocery store - alone. Or the hardware store. Or anywhere.

Last week was really exhausting, but I had a very brave week, and I'm still questioning why I felt such a desire to get out. Luckily, our out-of-home adventures all turned out ok. No one was abducted or injured, so I guess you could say we had some successes.

On Tuesday night, I took the kids to my office, where the production crew was filming TV Mass. I've hired a wonderful young man to take over that aspect of my office, and it was his going to be his first night without me being there for the whole thing. The kids were curious and cute and having a ball looking for God in the chapel as I made sure everyone was comfortable and ready for me to depart. The girls also searched for God up the stairs. And in the closet. And at the candy machine, where my dear colleague rejoiced in teaching them how fun it is to get Skittles from the machine and eat them all at once. They were hilarious little jumping beans for hours afterwards. From there, we came home and our sweet next door neighbor, who is a beautician, made a house call and cut the girls' shaggy mops. Luckily, she was able to bounce with them on their sugar highs and the bobbed haircuts turned out really cute.

The school where the twins will be attending preschool had it's spring picnic Wednesday evening, so I packed up all three and off we went. I was shocked to see 300-400 people. Sheer madness! But the kids had fun and I just accepted that I couldn't see all three at all times. Thankfully Grant wanted to be held a lot, so I only had to keep an eye on the twins. But what a heavy 25-pounder to lug around all evening. My blood pressure was probably very near stroke stage, but we made it and the kids had a BALL! They even got to jump in an inflatable jumphouse and eat cotton candy and go potty in little toilets for little kids in the little school. (Lillian blurts the last sentence to anyone who asks about school. More like squeals it out. Loudly. And then has to take a really big breath.)

Thursday night was catch-up night and bath night, and then Friday we went to a surprise 50th birthday party for a friend of ours from the TEC (Together Encountering Christ) retreat program. It was out in the middle of a bunch of gravel roads, complete with beanbag-tossing folks who rode 4-wheelers and drank beers and the works of true country living. Again, as a single parent that night, I was a little panicky, but it went well. Our dear friends stepped up and helped me to relax and enjoy a bit before I packed the kids up and headed home. We made it home just as it was getting dark, so everyone conked out right after we brushed our teeth. That NEVER happens that easily, so I was delighted.

This week, we're staying home so I can recuperate.

Status Quo

2009-06-03T22:19:00.002-05:00

No one will ever accuse us of overbooking ourselves nor living exotically. Our basic routine is pretty darn comfortable, and though often challenging just based on the logistics of having three little ones always underfoot, it's still nice enough.

We've unofficially boycotted a summer of racing all over the place, trying to squeeze in time with various family members at various lakes, constantly packing and unpacking. It's taken us a few years, but we're finally getting wiser, although certainly not more popular.

This isn't to say we sit home and repeat our days, but in the big frame, we're pretty predictable. We still do a trip to Grandma and Papa's here and there and are bound to make an appearance at my folks' cabin once or twice, but we're doing way more weekends at home than away. The kids are happy. We're happy. We're tired. But not extra tired due to the packing and unpacking. Hooray!

This weekend, we're staying home

Who's Clever?

2009-05-26T21:22:00.002-05:00

Who's clever? Not the parents in our house, that's for sure. We thought so, but our oldest daughter, at the ripe old age of just-turned-3, showed us we're so out of our league.

On Sunday night, we the perfect plan. Or so we thought.

The neighbors down on the end of our cul-de-sac were having the first bonfire of the summer and all the neighborhood was going. Since we have the three youngest out of the 16 total kids, we decided we'd be the lone parents and get our kids to sleep before heading to the party, just three houses down. The fire started at 7, and by 8, our house was quiet and peaceful.

DH and I each grabbed an ice cold beer and sat out on our front porch, visiting, basking in the serenity as we watched the sun drop lower in the sky. At about 8:30, we checked once again and all was quiet. I cleverly called DH's cell phone from mine (unlimited mobile-to-mobile, after all). I left my cell phone on top of the hamper in between the girls' rooms, which are right next to each other. DH then set his phone on speaker and we skipped off to the neighbors, ready for another beer and some s'mores. (And Jiffy Pop.)

At a little after 10, I decided I'd check on the kids, even though the phone was nice and quiet. Plus, I had to tinkle, so it was time to head home for a little bit. As I walked up, I realized the lights were on in our house. I could see a small child's silouette in our entryway, sitting on the floor. When I opened the door, Breanna looked up and calmly said, "Hi, Mommy."

I asked what she was doing and she replied, "Just playing with some shoes." With a little prompting, she told me she'd woken up from her nap and was playing Hide and Seek with me. She asked where I was, so I told her I'd been outside. She said, "Oh, fixing Daddy's lawn and pulling his weeds?" Sure. Not filling up on s'mores and popcorn, but working on the yard in the dark. I asked if she could see how dark it was outside and she simply replied, "Yep. I better go to bed then." And off she went, all by herself. Within about 38 seconds, she was snoring softly.

Once she was out of sight, I nearly fell down laughing silently with full force. As I began shutting off the lights (she'd turned on every single one in the whole house - even in Lillian and Grant's room - they were sound asleep, thankfully), I remembered the cell phone. Our very clever daughter had pushed the mute button. Her "clever" mom hadn't even realized it had mute functionality until that night.

If she can outsmart us at age 3, I can only imagine what the high school years will bring.

I get to go home

2009-05-15T07:22:00.000-05:00

I get to go home this weekend and I'm practically doing cartwheels in my jammies as I think about it. Due to our daycare lady's vacation, we've been working some creative childcare hours to accommodate DH's and my differing work schedules this week. Last night I brought my kiddos to my folks' so they could enjoy Gramma Pamma's day off with her today. And then I left, gloriously driving a car - as in - low-to-the-ground carseat-less freedom - all the way to the mall and then shopped my little heart out for a tiny bit before grabbing a Starbucks and hitting the road home.

For the record, I snatched up the steal of the year. It is a bulky, wool, beautiful cable-knit red turtleneck sweater. At Christmas time, I ogled and drooled, but the $178 price tag was just too much for my level head to wrap itself around. Last night, I discovered a pile of these very same sweaters on a wonderful rack at Herberger's - all priced at $2.99. Not two hundred ninety-nine. Read it and weap: under three bucks. Woo hoo! Patience finally has paid off!

I gleefully drove home, talking on the phone to a dear friend the whole time, and then enjoyed putting the kids' laundry away with the lights on and not having to be so incredibly silent when opening and closing drawers. And then I went to bed with all the doors open. What a liberating night!

Now this morning, with a cup of coffee in hand and a full 45 minutes to myself with no kidlets under foot, I can enjoy a blog posting and the start to the day in which I get to go home. Right after work tonight, I'm going to head up there for the weekend. A dear friend is going to join us for pizza tonight, then tomorrow, I'm going to help my dad build a fence. That means that my wonderful DH will be home alone all weekend, able to work on our basement with no interruptions. Hooray for all of us! Happy weekend, everyone!

Middle Jesus and God Who Already Went to Bed

2009-05-12T21:59:00.004-05:00

Absentmindely, I forgot my cell phone at the office yesterday. I didn't realize it until after I unloaded the kids at our house after daycare. Darn! So after supper, they had baths and the kids all got into jammies, then we piled into the minivan and went to Mommy's Work. It was their first time seeing where I spend my days.

As we walked into the Pastoral Center, the girls saw the open doors to the chapel where we film TV Mass, the sun welcoming them through the windows, so they raced in. "Look, you have a church in your work," exclaimed Breanna. They explored all over the place, overflowing with questions. Lillian spotted the crucifix up above and said, "Look, Jesus is here." Breanna told her that that was not Baby Jesus. Lillian said he's Big Jesus. They argued about it a little bit, and since that particular Jesus is about as tall as the twins, they determined he's "Middle Jesus."

A few moments later, Breanna asked, "Where's God?" I replied that he's right here with us. "Where?" she asked. I told her he's with us everywhere we go. She said she didn't see him. I asked if she could feel him. Lillian put her hands out in the air, trying to "feel" him. Then Breanna spotted the door to the sacristy and explained that God was back there. She asked to go see him, so, knowing the door was locked, I encouraged her to go see if he was there. She tried it, found it locked, and proclaimed in a loud whisper, "He already went to bed. We have to be very quiet and not wake him up." And off the girls went, exiting the chapel.

Baffled by all this, I wondered when and how they made the connection between God and church. It was then that I realized I haven't been the best mom at church - I haven't been explaining what we do or why we do it - I simply expect my kids to sit angelicly and take it all in. With all the wiggling and playing and teasing that occurs in our pew, I am absolutely shocked and delighted that they are able to put it together, with no help from me, mind you. How fast they're growing up!

As our birthday season wraps up

2009-05-10T15:04:00.003-05:00

What a wild rush of birthday fever!

Earlier in the week, the daddy of our house turned 29, so we surprised him with a lunchtime visit. We grilled and then ate out on the new kiddo picnic table and sang him happy birthday over his favorite cake, which the girls helped make. We gave him some gifts, which the kids unwrapped for him, and wished him a wonderful day before heading back to daycare and work. He seemed to really enjoy the time.

On Friday, one of my cherished colleagues (who has lots of grandsons but not a single girl) gave me her fancy teapot and dish for holding the teabags, just in time for our tea party birthday party for the twins this weekend. As I set the table with her pretty pot, I realized I was a dope in not thinking about inviting her to join us. She lives out of town, but what if she was looking for something fun to do, especially since it's so icky out outside. Someday, I hope to be graced with more grace and thoughtfulness at the right times, instead of always being after the fact.

We did have a fantastic tea party for the girls, with nine little girls and a grandma and two aunties and three neighbor moms and myself all present and pretty. We had grownup treats (cream puffs, petit fours, piroulenes, mini eggrolls, and meat/cheese skewers) and licorice tea and orange spice tea in fancy teapots, complete with real cups and saucers for every girl. Each cup came with a pretty necklace to keep and a goodie basket, too. Our neighborhood gang is just wonderful - even the older ones play well with the little pumpkins.

We played hot teacup with purses (like the hot potato game) and visited and had a truly lovely day. After church today, the girls asked if they could have a tea party again since it's so darn cold outside, so we had more tea in the real cups and saucers, complete with cream, sugar cube, and a piroulene on the side. Easy to please!

Now that birthday fever is done in our house for a while, I look forward to finding a slowdown. Although, I suspect it will likely not happen until we become empty nesters. Is it terrible that I'm thinking about empty nesting already? Gosh these kids tucker me out.

And the Terribles are Gone

2009-05-05T21:44:00.002-05:00

Now that the girls are officially three, I hope this means we're officially out of the terrible twos. I've heard that the reality of twins is that it's more like the terrible threes. We'll see. So far, so good. Mind you, it's only been three days.

It was a mushy gushy kind of weekend for me. More so than the girls' first and second birthdays. I just kept thinking about their odds of survival - less than 5% we'd even have one make it. That's a really horrible statistic. And to think they've come out completely healthy and beautiful and curious and creative and perfect, it really is overwhelming.

I've used the example of the miracle of their survival with lots of friends and family lately, as they've been dealing with some scary health issues. What a beautiful example of how anything really is possible with the power of prayer. You just never know what God has in store.

The girls had a wonderful birthday - we went to church, which is one of their favorite activities - they're both so very social. Actually, we all really enjoy it. Grant made the lady in front of us swoon with all of his eyelash batting and giggling. After church, we came home for a nice lunch and a surprise visit (at least a surprise to the kiddos) from my folks. They brought a kid-sized picnic table, complete with a red and white umbrella, which the kids all love. We spent the evening out in the yard with half the neighborhood, marveling at what a wonderful neighborhood we have, how great the kids all play together, how fun it is to see our three goslings come up on shore, and how very blessed we all. The kids tumbled and danced and ran their little hearts out. What a joy-filled day for all of us.

The fun will be extending - we're having an official tea party for the girls this Saturday and inviting the neighbor girls and their moms. I'm not sure yet how many are coming, but I'm certain we'll all have fun. That means I still have lots to do before then, so it's time to sign off. Here's to a great rest of the week to us all!

Doubt

2009-04-27T22:01:00.002-05:00

We rented a movie over the weekend and watched in on a laptop in bed. Still with no TVs in the house and happy with that decision, we do love our laptops.

We watched "Doubt," which is a film about suspicion about a priest within the Catholic Church that takes place around the Vatican II changes. Interesting flick - I think perhaps the first one where I actually enjoyed Meryl Streep.

After we closed the laptop, I had a hard time falling asleep. Perhaps too much coffee on a cold and rainy Sunday. Perhaps too much to do in the weeks ahead and way too little time to get it all done. Perhaps a movie that got the wheels turning. Regardless, I got to thinking about my own doubt. Or to state it more accurately - my lack of it. Remarkably, I don't second guess much. Curiosity - yes, plenty to go around. But true doubt? Eh, not so much of that. I can honestly say that yes, I know God will provide. How much and how rewarding to me at the time is up for debate, but I take great comfort in knowing that he will always provide enough.

When I decided to go to the client side this past year - nonprofit - church at that! - I just had a feeling of peace and faith that it would be ok. Much like I felt when I realized I'd fallen in love. Much like when we found out twins! I wonder if it doesn't somehow go back to my rationality and system of logic in my daily life. No matter what, I will always have a roof over my head and food in my belly. If ever a situation led to such dire straights that the house wouldn't be my own, there are enough good people in this world who would lend a hand.

Even amidst the calamities of evil-doers you hear about in the news, I believe in the greater good of humanity. It feels good to be good, and the majority of us truly want to be good and do good. Sure, everyone gets caught up in the not-so-nice from time to time, but in the big picture, we want to be kind. And for that kind of certainty, I am thankful.

My Brilliant Business Idea

2009-04-24T22:10:00.003-05:00

No one has ever accused me of being original or unique, but that's ok. Here in our new town, there are only two coffee shops with drivethrus. McDonalds doesn't count. I'm talking real, yummy coffee, as in Starbucks/Caribou. There are two main problems: 1. There are only 2 drivethrus for the community population of nearly 200,000. 2. They are located in the crappiest places where the traffic is ALWAYS congested...places I avoid at all costs because it's such a waste of time.

I'm trying to convince my darling of a husband to consider opening up some coffee huts, like the Northstar or Mountain Mudd fame in Fargo. I don't know how much profit they post, but it must have been something or they wouldn't have stayed in business all these years. He could build little fishhouse hut himself and invest in a couple of good espresso machines and some beans and hit the ground running.

Anyone know anything about this? Can you imagine living in a community with no drivethrus? I'm dying to toss my money at baristas, but darn, they're so inconvenient around here that I often have my first cup at work instead of on the way to work - and the office stuff is icky bitter Folgers. What do you think? Am I just insane? I welcome all feedback on this topic.

Who I'm praying for today

2009-04-20T23:11:00.003-05:00

I always keep a running list of people I'm praying for. The list grows, because I never feel like I should stop praying for someone once I've started - I mean really, who is more worthy than others?

In looking at my list in my little notepad, today I've topped more than 500 people who I pray for each day by name. Some of them, I've never even met. Some never even lived outside a womb. Some are in a worse place than when I first started praying for them and many others are much better.

Over the weekend, I spent two full days with some of the dearest women in my life - a handful of the Mothers of Multiples from the Fargo area. I learned that the fairness in fertility blessings is all out of whack and that I need to open my heart much more to those who face conception hardships. It can run a lot deeper than simply having to invest in some expensive medical help. I've added a few to my list, for whom I'm praying for peace.

I've begun saying a "freestyle" bedtime prayer with our twins before bed, starting with, "Dear God, thank you for this beautiful day. We ask for your special blessings upon..." The girls LOVE it and we often cover some of the people already on my list. I've said the "Now I lay me" prayer, but now they ask for the God prayer right afterward.

Today, we prayed twice for my Auntie Boonie, who had surgery to eliminate her breast cancer today. We prayed for her doctors, as well as her husband and sons. When we listed Alec and Jake, Breanna hopped off my lap and ran to the refrigerator, yanked off pictures of the boys and brought them back to us. Without prompting, she held them to her heart and of course, tears dripped off my eyes, right onto Lillian's head.

They get it. They're so little and still can't sleep through the night without wetting the bed, and yet their pure and tiny hearts are so capable and willing to love and to pray. I really couldn't be more blessed. Isn't this truly what it's all about?

I invite you to please join us in praying for my family. We've been bombarded with cancer this winter and it's cruel stuff. I also encourage you to start a list. I hope you are filled with as much peace as I am when I walk through my list each night.

It's in the air

2009-04-16T23:03:00.003-05:00

We all have a little spring fever these days, although for the twins, it began long before it was above freezing outside. I have learned I need to hide their "twimming tuits" if I don't want them to come home from daycare every day and quick toss on their suits before I even get my shoes and coat off. They wear them every chance they get. In fact, they've mentioned swimming in our pond now that the ice is out, but thankfully, we have them convinced that the pond is only a bathtub for the animals and that they'd chase us out and bite our butts if we tried to go swimming there. Thankfully, they believe us.

The kids and I took the wagon to our neighborhood park this afternoon and had the most relaxing visit there. What a joy to be outside again!

As the twins approach three

2009-04-13T20:59:00.003-05:00

These girls of ours are growing to be more and more different each day. Their voices. Their hair fullness. Their tastebuds. Their approach to eating. Their preference in colors. Their styles of shoes. Their linguistics.

Breanna is the bolder of the two when it comes to people, and it appears Grant is following in those footsteps. She's friendly and truly pleased to meet new people. Solid and determined, she's very confident. She likes bold prints and bright colors and fistfuls of food. When she talks, which is nonstop, she describes with lots of adjectives, including her senses and memories. She demands answers instead of asking questions. She boldly takes anything that interests her, often pulling it apart as quickly as possible and putting it into her mouth. She's the last one to bed and the first one up with the biggest smile and loves to share coffee with anyone who offers. She writes in big loops and long lines, always picking the brightest colors she can find. She cannot make it through a book without trying to grab it away, but loves to help read along with the ones she's read before. Always making noise; if she's not gabbing, she's singing fast, zippy little tunes.

Lillian, on the other hand, is a softer being. She prefers clean white clothes, dainty little shoes, eating one pea at a time after she's lined them up in a row and counted them. She doesn't talk much unless Breanna's away, and when the floodgates open, look out. She bubbles out questions nonstop. Her memory is impeccible, especially when it comes to how people feel about things, "That makes Auntie Lissy so happy when I rock with her at Auntie Lissy's house" after having not been there for months and months. Quick to fall asleep and very slow to wake up, she quietly whines and whimpers when she's tired. When Breanna swipes a toy or snack from her, Lillian finds a grownup and pleas for them to get it back. She won't fight back no matter how many times we tell her to. She loves to build tall towers with blocks and boxes, and then send them crashing down once they hit their peak. When she writes, she makes polka dots, yellow and pink and other soft colors. She cuddles and rocks and loves to be sung to (her favorite is Rockabye Baby), perhaps more than she loves to read - off by herself. She likes to read a book at least twice in a row, often more. Such an intense student in every area of life, it's almost like she's memorizing every detail around her.

Strangers often ask how we can tell them apart. I respond, "How could we not?" They are still so tiring, but so wonderful. Their wonderful differences just make each one that much more lovable. I just thank God every day for giving us an easy son after these two little turkeys. The hopping continues.

Nice and Shiny

2009-04-02T07:06:00.000-05:00

On a light note, our twins had minor urinary tract infections a couple weeks ago, so we went to the doctor. Last week, Breanna told our daycare lady that she'd been to the doctor and he looked at her butt.

Barb simply asked, "Yeah? And what did he see?"

Breanna replied, "He said, 'Looks good, nice and shiny.'"

(For the record, he said nothing whatsoever about shininess.)

The Fog is Lifting

2009-04-01T06:42:00.001-05:00

I'm all out of tears after my recent visit to the Fargo/Moorhead area. But I'm coming away hopeful, as the wonderful leaders and residents in the community appear to have found a way to outsmart Mother Nature, who seems to have a deep and nasty grudge against the area.

After being glued to the AM radio coverage I had live streaming round the clock, I felt I needed to get up to F/M and pitch in. It was consuming me, I wasn't able to concentrate on work, and in the big picture, they were desperate for help. I have plenty of vacation time, and frankly, rebuilding a website or sprucing up the TV Mass atmosphere could wait.

I sent out an email last Tuesday, inviting my colleagues to join me in the trek to the valley. To my dismay, I heard from a small handful of folks who mentioned they'd like to go, but they had meetings scheduled, etc. The rest didn't even acknowledge the email. Not even to say they'd say a prayer or anything. To say I was disappointed is an understatement to say the least. I work for the church, after all.

Wednesday afternoon, I tearily began to prepare for being out of the office, when one of my colleagues who had shown some interest stopped in to offer her support. As we talked a little bit, my tears spilled. Normally Little Miss Self Control, I was embarrassed and surprised at my inability to contain myself. My kind colleague gave me a tight hug and left. When she returned about 20 minutes later, she dropped a fat wad of cash on my desk. It was from her department. They asked if I would put the money toward whatever was needed most up there. I cried some more. About 10 minutes later, she walked in with another pile of dollars. And a few minutes after that, she arrived with even more. This kind soul went around to all the offices and rabble-roused enough to get folks to see that even some prayer would be helpful at that point.

The next morning, I used funds to buy granola bars, bags of nuts, and bottled waters. And then I stopped at Fleet Farm to buy some knee-high rubber boots, which proved to be the best investment of the year for me.

I left a beautiful sunny Saint Cloud and headed up I-94 early in the morning. About 75 miles outside of Moorhead, I hit an insta-blizzard. Traffic was about 40 mph the rest of the way in, with little visibility, except for a clear image of all the ice on the roads beneath me.

As I drove into Moorhead, I was glued to the news radio and quickly realized that I'd better stay on the Minnesota side. If I crossed into ND, I might not make it back out. I drove into the north end of the city - cars lined the sides of the roads for miles, meaning volunteers were all over the place. The driveable roadway was narrowing quickly as water was coming onto the road. The whipping wind and snow were certainly not helpful.

Each time I saw a large gathering of workers, I stopped and handed off boxes of granola bars. A few people mentioned that they were starving - hadn't daring to take a moment to look for something to eat. The Red Cross has been fantastic with supplying meals to the folks working on the main dike that's intended to save Fargo/Moorhead proper or in the FargoDome filling sandbags, but they haven't been able to be everywhere. In the development where I was working, many of the people in the area had been working through the night. Many had tears of appreciation and exhaustion in their eyes. I watched one couple in their 50s as they left their home, throwing in the towel as the water surpassed their sandbag wall and consumed their home. Absolutely heartbreaking.

I made my way to the house of a friend of mine. I'd never been there before, but I know I enjoyed her friendship when I was in the Mothers of Multiples club in Fargo. Like me, she has three little ones, twin toddler girls and a baby boy. She was evacuating the kids so she could get back and sandbag. I worked with her husband and her father-in-law to get their belongings up as high as possible. To get to her house, I had to wade through a driveway of knee-high ice and water. I had to walk slowly so the water didn't come over the top of my boots - there was about an inch clearance. As the water continued to rise, I decided I needed to leave to ensure I could get back home to pick up my kids. The road I left on was fully submerged and was closed by the authorities about 10 minutes after I left. Closer to Highway 10, I stopped and helped sandbag at the home of some strangers for about two hours, and then headed home. I wanted to get out of the blizzard before dark. On my way back, I saw numerous military convoys heading to Fargo.

My friends went to their in-laws' house in South Fargo after being asked to evacuate that night, only to be woken in the middle of the night to be evacuated from there, as well. Now that the first crest occurred - and much lower than predicted - we are celebrating! But the drama is not over, and this community is still dependent on those dikes holding all that water back.

I ask you to please spend as much free time as you have these upcoming days and weeks keeping these folks in your prayers. Also please remember to thank God for providing most of us with a safe, comfortable place. To those who have been praying already, thank you so much.

My sister and her family are still there, along with hundreds of our friends, relatives, colleagues and clients. All are physically safe as far as we know, but they are facing a lot of devastation via property loss, revenue loss, business loss, etc.

I hadn't realized that I consider F/M to be my hometown, but this confirmed it. In the town where I grew up, I know maybe a dozen people still, if that. Our family left over a decade ago and I really haven't spent any time there since. Fargo's where it's at folks. God bless the whole community.

Here are a couple of links to see some of the pictures. http://www.davearntson.com/ http://www.kfgo.com/Photos/index.html

Icky Diet Plan

2009-03-23T23:29:00.002-05:00

Knowing that so many of those most dear to me are battling Mother Nature in Fargo right now has completely ruined my appetite. The last few days, nothing sounds good - not even ice cream. I have such an unsettled feeling that is just consuming me.

I feel completely helpless here - I'm too swamped at work to just leave right now - I am running a one-woman-shop to make a three-person-show go on. And yet, I really want to be in the thick of it, filling sandbags, feeding volunteers, praying together with those who are so scared right now.

May God be gentle on all those who are in the thick of it. And may the prayers from afar make a great difference in these coming days.

Please don't ask

2009-03-21T21:28:00.002-05:00

Please don't ask my kids about the president. Don't even utter the words president, Barack, or Obama.

After we laid the kids down to bed tonight, and all was mostly quiet, DH came racing down the hallway to grab me from the living room. He was laughing hysterically and silently all at once. As we tiptoed down to Lillian's room, he explained breathlessly that she was talking to herself.

"Why is President Obama brown? Because Gramma Pamma pooped on him."

We obviously have some exposure issues and we need to spend a little more time outside of our almost completely caucasian community. I am shaking my head as I write this.

And the lepers lept about

2009-03-17T22:53:00.003-05:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day! We only have what my dad describes as a "very wee bit" of Irish in us, but we still celebrate the holiday with the rest of the world. We all wore a bit o' green today and enjoyed some wonderful Irish Soda Bread, which I baked late last night for a potluck at work. I doubled the batch and brought a loaf to daycare and left one here for DH, too. It was a hit all the way around.

When I picked up the kids from daycare this afternoon, they bounded out the door and nearly knocked me over. They were bubbling and babbling about how the tiny little lepers came during lunch and left green hamhocks all over the house and the lepers are so tiny you can't see them and they do silly things and they are tiny and...

I nearly fell over laughing.

At supper, we talked about ice cream - the girls requested to have white ice cream in pine cones. And then Breanna said she wanted to have some "opie meal" (oatmeal) for breakfast tomorrow. I sometimes wonder about their speech dysfunction, but they're so funny, I'm going to cross my fingers this stage lasts for a while.

Here's my soda bread recipe if you're interested. It's one of my new favorites.

Irish Soda Bread (with a little Finnish Flair)

INGREDIENTS
4 c. all-purpose flour
4 T. white sugar
1 t. baking soda
1 T. baking powder
1 t. cardamom
1/2 t. salt
1 stick margarine, softened
1 c. buttermilk
1 egg
1 c. currants (or dried cranberries or raisins or apricots)
½ stick butter, melted
¼ c. buttermilk
a few pinches of sugar

DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease a large baking sheet.
2. In a large bowl, mix together flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, cardamom, salt, and margarine.
3. Stir in 1 cup of buttermilk, egg, and dried fruit.
4. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead slightly. Form dough into two rounds and place on opposite ends of a sprayed baking sheet.
5. In a small bowl, combine melted butter with 1/4 cup buttermilk; brush loaves with this mixture. Use a sharp knife to cut an 'X' into the top of the loaf. Sprinkle top with sugar.
6. Bake in preheated oven for 35 to 40 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the loaf comes out clean. You may continue to brush the loaf with the butter mixture and sprinkle with sugar while it bakes.

Why I love my family

2009-03-15T22:10:00.005-05:00

They're just plain fun to be around, and that pretty much sums it up. My kiddos hug and snuggle with each other, and with mom and dad, too. They try to tell jokes. They start repeating Spanish out of the blue. They pray - and it makes sense. The girls are compelled to swing their fresh haircuts, just like I do. And Grant has picked up some hilarious dance moves that make us all smile.

We took the kiddos to the Home Show at the Civic Center this weekend and had a great time. We're all quite social, so these kinds of things are fun. Today our outing was church, and then grocery shopping later in the day. Nothing was momentous, but it sure was fun.

After a low-key weekend at home like this, I am reminded of just how incredibly blessed I am...we all are.

No more babies in the house

2009-03-08T23:30:00.005-05:00

It's hard to believe that Baby Grant is officially a toddler now. Honestly, he's been one for several months - he's been walking and eating tons of table food for ages, even grunting for meat, after all. And when I try to hold him and soothe him at night, I'm often fearful he'll leap right out of my arms and I won't be strong enough to hang on. The lunker is only two pounds lighter than Lillian, for pete's sake.

He's still our little honey, though, and I just can't get over how deeply in love with him I am. I still remember with such clarity the day I found out I was carrying a boy. I thought, how on earth could I have a penis in my uterus and how on earth would I handle dirt and noise and trucks and all the boy stuff that I really don't enjoy? How on earth will he be able to be heterosexual when I'm such a girly influence? And now I look back and wonder how I could have been such an idiot. Oh well.

We had a few lovely little birthday celebrations. On his actual birthday, Breanna was miserable with a cold, so we had a tea party/birthday party with just the five of us. We'd planned a birthday party for friends and family the following weekend, but by then, the other two kiddos picked up Breanna's cold, so we postponed another week. The real party was smallish, but nice nonetheless. My folks and my sister and niece came over, as well as our very-loved next-door neighbors.

Amidst all the colds and chaos, the girls have been making me question the logic of the English language, and I've realized that perhaps I wouldn't make such a great grammar teacher after all. Last Sunday, since Daddy wasn't feeling good, he and Grant stayed home from church. Once church was done, I called home and they were both napping, so I decided to take the girls out for lunch. They're social and they just go crazy for any kind of outing and that way we wouldn't bring our energy home and shake up the place.

We went a place called Pacific Wok - a very clean - very Americanized sushi/Asian grill. I figured the girls could eat stir fry - they love veggies and meat - and I'd seen pineapple skewers on the menu - perfect. Little did I know that each girl would dump her water out all over the table at different times. Little did I know that they'd refuse to eat the carrots, meat, rice, etc. etc. They only ate pea pods. Not even the pineapple. And then they started confusing themselves (and me) as we talked about pea pods and peeing in the potty. They sound very alike, after all.

Two women across the fairly empty restaurant were compelled to come over and let us know how entertaining we'd been. Lovely. And then came my favorite phrase, "I don't know how you do it. Glad it's you and not me." Had I not had two very impressionable young ladies with me at the moment, I might have considered going off about judging people and manners, etc. Instead I just replied with a very sweet smile, "Yeah, me too." And then I turned from her and busied myself with the twins. One the way home, they started asking about pushing buttons (to get someone upset) and pushing belly buttons (to get someone to laugh) and about eating buttons on shirts (to get an owie tummy). Too many buttons for my taste. Literally and figuratively.

Enough on that for now. Enjoy the photos. And have a fantastic, safe weekend.

Still Kickin'

2009-02-25T22:59:00.002-06:00

In case you've been wondering, we're still alive. Busy as hell, and that's no understatement, but still here. The kids and DH are all sick with nasty colds. And very sleepless nights. We've even had to postpone Baby Grant's first birthday party. I'd hate to spread the wealth of ickiness.

Since my assistant quit a few weeks ago with no notice, I've been running a very big ship at work. Add to that that we've had weekends sprinkled with family visits, weddings, etc., and so it's been nuts.

It all equates to very little free time. I'll post more once I get my head on straight. And here we go again, someone just woke up with a cough and a cry. Gotta run.

A Family Weekend Ahead

2009-02-11T22:34:00.002-06:00

We get to go to a Valentine's Day wedding this year. I know most of you are probably rolling your eyes, but the folks getting married come from a mighty fun family, so we're almost guaranteed a fun event. It's my third cousin - his mom and my dad have been close from the start. We've got a babysitter lined up to come back to the hotel with us so that once we get the kiddos to sleep, we can sneak back to the reception for some boogieing.

To add to the excitement, my sister and my new little niece are coming, and perhaps my brother-in-law, too. It's been a LONG time since I've seen them and I've been so very lonesome for them. I look forward to just being together, all of us. My folks will be there, too.

Then come Monday, some bank holiday (which particular one, I forget), my office is closed, as well as the bank that my sister-in-law works at. We're meeting at a waterpark in the Twin Cities for the day with each of our hubbies and three kids in tow. Should be fun!

Hooray for things to look forward to on the weekends. The stress of workweeks can sometime drain even me, but by figuring out little reasons to celebrate, everything comes into perspective. I am truly blessed with a wonderful family, some very terrific colleagues, a handful of amazing volunteers, and oodles of fantastic friends. The people you surround yourself with truly make all the difference. Have a great rest of your week, my friends! And enjoy counting your blessings!

Silly Lilly

2009-02-09T23:23:00.002-06:00

Our Lillian has some cute little quirks, and some really funny moments, too. Her voice is the sweetest, softest, ittiest bittiest little girl voice in the world. When she does something like the following story, I can't help but just scoop her up and smother her with kisses.

On Friday afternoon, after returning to our house with my mom and our friend, Vivian, Lillian came in and saw DH's paper face mask that he'd been using while painting earlier in the day. She promptly strapped on top of her head and remarked that it was a party hat for Jesus' birthday party.

When we arrived home from daycare today, the girls were very interested in the rain and the puddles that showed up as a result. I had Grant with me and was already in the house when I looked over my shoulder and saw Lillian bend over, dunk her hand in a puddle, and do the sign of the cross, "Name ub da padda, da ton, holio holio pidit, amen."

Perhaps there's a future nun in the family. Or perhaps our conscious examples are paying off. Either way, our silly Lilly is just the sweetest little peanut you could find - for a two-year-old anyway.

Looking Forward

2009-02-05T22:44:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow may seem like just another Friday, but something special will be happening in my life. Nothing huge or momentous, but special nonetheless.

My mom is coming to town and meeting with a very dear, very long-time friend, who is driving up from the Twin Cities. After some shopping and lunching, they're going to pick up my girls from daycare and take them on a field trip to Bounce Depot. And then we're all going to meet up at our house for dinner and a visit.

Like I said, nothing huge, but something to really look forward to nonetheless.

In the meantime, my assistant quit today, so instead of taking the day off and joining my mom and her friend in the daytime festivities, I'll be holding down the fort and making sure all my ducks are in a row as I make my game plan for moving ahead.

As I write this tonight, my sweet DH is painting the walls and ceilings in our basement. This is a milestone step for me, as it likely is for most homeowners and not builders. Soon, we'll get the trim up and the cabinets in and the flooring laid and then ta daa! We'll be able to finish moving into the other half of our house. I love being married to a man with an abundance of ambition and talent.

Have a fantastico weekend, my friends!

As it flies

2009-02-03T21:05:00.004-06:00

Everything is flying these days - from staticky hair to helicopters overhead to shooting stars to the winter season. And it's all flying quickly, it seems.

I've been trying to find just 10 minutes to write for over a week now and here I finally sit. The bigger the twins become, the more they fight staying in bed. Last night, we had a battle of wills with Breanna and she ultimately won, not hitting the sack for good until after midnight. I sat watch outside her room. Just telling her to lay back down a dozen times wasn't working, nor was the threat of having to sleep in the crib, nor being placed in the crib, nor spankings, nor anything else. I think she just finally was ready to crash. When we have multiple nights like that in a row, there's no time for laundry, dishes, and other basic stuff, much less time to blog.

May this stage end quickly so I can get something done before midnight again.

After our flurry of doctor and dentist visits last month, the novelty has not worn off. Each week we hear several requests to go to the doctor or the dentist. And when the twins saw their pediatrician at church on Sunday, they literally squealed. On top of all that, each time they find something round, such as a suction cup, they "listen to the heart." Here's Lillian listening to her heart in the tub, using the froggie toy holder that suctions to the side of the tub.

Nothing too much is new with Grant except that he's walking all over the place and nearing a year. No, I still haven't figured out how we're going to celebrate. I have to get with the program ASAP. He's still the smiliest kid in the universe.

Amidst all the kid chaos, my DH has continued to work on finishing our basement. The wall guys textured today, so that's a good sign. He has some spiffy things in the hopper, I guess, and I'm really excited to see what creative things he does to make it "ours." I'm so ready to settle in I can taste it!

I can also taste the idea of accomplishing some stuff at work. I've had a ton of proposals out to my boss, our chancellor. But as you can imagine, with the Catholic church, everything moves sssssooooooooo slowly. On Friday, we talked for a bit and he acknowledged that I'm earning some trust as the young whippersnapper (not his real words, but words I have heard from our vice chancellor - ugh). I get to move ahead with a few changes that will impact the way I operate and I really hope to get a few more approved shortly. I have hope. And I have great colleagues who keep me grounded and lend me patience when my hope runs thin, so that helps a ton.

All in all, I feel very blessed. I'm living the most unglamorous life, but it is so very rewarding. Even if it means I'm always exhausted and looking whipped. And driving a green minivan. I really wouldn't trade much.

Some More 2-year-old Doozies

2009-01-13T23:03:00.003-06:00

Now that all signs of humidity have departed, we're getting shocks all over the place. Each time the girls get shocks, they off-handedly comment, "Bug bite." And then they go on doing whatever they were doing.

I'd almost forgotton, but with all of our pronounciation focuses, we often get over-pronounciation from the twins. They were excitedly wishing everyone near them, "Happy ne-ude year."

And tonight, as we listened to a music CD that my folks gave Grant for Christmas, one on which the band uses Grant's name throughout the songs, some little kids chimed in on a few songs. Breanna talked about the monkey chips, and I didn't get it right away, but finally realized she was getting at "chipmunks." Sure enough, the next time the kids sang, they sounded an awful lot like monkey chips.

Some call this time the terrible two's, but really, when this kind of stuff is going on, who can't help but smile?

Knock it over

2009-01-11T22:04:00.005-06:00

As the noisiness was getting louder and the naughtiness getting naughtier, Lillian declared, "Mana, knock it over." After a few more iterations, we realized she was telling Breanna to knock it off. The weekend was full of doozies like that. The twins are realizing the relationship between names and titles, and so I was called Rebecca Mommy a lot this weekend, as well. There were others that I meant to write down, but darn it - I've lost them - hopefully not forever. Since I'm not a baby book kind of gal, this is it. And I'm failing my kiddos in documentation. :(

All weekend long, Grant was walking all over the place, and now that he knows he gets a big reaction, he puts on quite a show. He is still the smiliest kid I've ever seen.

After naptime this afternoon, the girls and I went skating on the pond. It was beautiful out! Breanna was in heaven, laying down and picking up ice shards in her mouth and doing some belly flops into the snowbanks, where she could gobble fresh snow galore. Lillian just wanted to sit on mommy's hip while we would step, step, glide, step, step, glide. The shrill giggle she let loose when we started to spin was fantastic! This pond has been just wonderful! DH and Grant came down to say hi at the very end of our adventure.

It felt great to spend a weekend at home. Even though I traveled to a small writers conference in Fergus Falls for a few hours on Saturday, the main thing is that we didn't have to pack or unpack anything. While our Christmas decor is officially put way now, the snowmen are appropriately still keeping us company. Sounds like we might be seeing a blizzard come our way this week, so that's always kind of fun.

DH has really been going to town on finishing our basement. I was suprised to walk downstairs on Friday and see the fireplace in place - it's really cute. I can hardly wait until we can truly finish unpacking and get settled in already. I just keep reminding myself that I've made it this long, and the end is in sight. No need to freak out. Much, anyway.

By the way, here are some fun photos. Lillian was helping Papa 'tebe shave and Grant was enjoying his bon bon at my folks' place in the woods. The girls also LOVE to climb into the double sinks in our guest bathroom and play with their tiny dollies. The day this photo was taken they were in there for a full hour.

Good Report

2009-01-08T11:22:00.002-06:00

Lillian and I are at home today after a quick little operation this morning. She did beautifully. I am so glad I was able to be with her as she went out and came back to.

When the dentist came out to give us the report, she said, "And we didn't even need to do the baby root canals." After she left, DH and I both realized that that was the first we'd even heard about that problem. So, Lillian now has a couple of stainless steel crowns on her bottom molars and everything else is sealed up tight.

I just painted her nails and we're going to enjoy the rest of the day with no other kids to share attention with. Breanna and Grant are at daycare. Let the snuggling begin!

Big Kids

2009-01-05T12:12:00.001-06:00

Quick update on the kids after a great visit with our new pediatrician, who we learned is also a daddy and goes to our church, too. Everyone got marvellous reports, especially when he realized the girls are completely potty trained when they're awake.

Breanna - 35.5 inches tall and 31.5 pounds (50th percentile for height, 50th for weight)

Lillian - 34.5 inches tall and 28 pounds (30th percentile for height, 20th for weight)

Grant - 29.5 inches and 21 pounds, 5 ounces (90th percentile for height, 70th for weight)

Hooray for growing kids! Now let the tough appointments begin, starting tomorrow with Breanna at 9:00. Wish us luck!

P.S. While the friendly doctor did not sing the teapot song like Breanna predicted, he did indeed serenade us with a mini rendition of "no more monkeys jumping on the bed." And then he got the girls to help him feed the fish in his aquarium. It was seriously a great visit!

A New Year Begins

2009-01-04T21:56:00.003-06:00

Happy 2009! I hope you're rested and rejuvinated after the holiday breaks. We kind of are. As rested as you can be with three under three in the house.

We sent off my dear cousin, Billy, on his big trip to California this past weekend. I bawled after he pulled out of our cul-de-sac after a lovely little visit, but I know that he'll find great things on his journeys.

We also spent some time sledding and skating at home, getting to know our neighbors a bit better. We had an impromptu cocoa and pizza party here Saturday afternoon, and two families came over to join us. What a nice group of people to live near!

Our kids are hilarious and busy as ever, talking more and more. Grant included. The twins are really getting into pictures, and this weekend, we discovered that they can't tell themselves apart in photos. At all. Like, less than 2% accuracy.

And every big-eyed smiling baby, even in the magazines, are all Baby Grant to them. Their pronunciations are still kind of goofy, so we often raise our eyebrows, and then crack up once we realize what they're getting at.

This past weekend, they referred to Dan's shirtless top as his "chest," because as he's explained to them, daddies don't have boobs. The twins don't say "ch" or "s" the greatest, so it sounded like "tits." What???? After about 8 or 9 attempts, and many dirty looks between DH and me, wondering what kinds of terrible language the other has been using in front of the kiddos, we finally realized "chest."

Tomorrow, we take all three kiddos in to a new family doctor for checkups; they're all overdue. We practiced doctor exams tonight, and that's when the girls told us that when they get to the doctor, he'll tell them, "no more monkeys jumping on the bed," (per Lillian) and that he'll sing us the little teapot song (per Breanna). Sounds way more fun than when I go in.

And then Tuesday, the first of many dental procedures will begin for Breanna and on Thursday, Lillian has her surgery. What a crazy week ahead! Please keep us in your prayers - for pain-free, non-traumatic events.

May your first full week into the new year be much less chaotic than ours.

Christmas Greetings!

2008-12-27T22:06:00.002-06:00

As the holiday chaos is winding down I'm finally having a few moments of peace. We're home after most of our travels and everyone is in bed but me. I just finished up editing a magazine that I edit, and now I'm enjoying a cup of something warm and sweet that my hubby made for me before he hit the sack - perhaps it's a butterscotch or vanilla milk or something like that. Yum!

We've been mighty blessed with a great family and wonderful friends, so I really can't complain about much. I keep reminding myself that in the grand scheme, we are living in huge abundances. When I'm feeling stressed, though, I sometimes am tempted to let myself get into the "Why me?" syndrome that I so hate. Maybe if I just get it out there tonight, I can let it go and instead focus on how very blessed we are in so many bajillions of ways.

Amidst all the Christmas preparations, we learned that our twins didn't escape their TTTS and prematurity completely unscathed. After noticing some very beige molars as we brush their teeth with them each night, we took them into a pediatric dentist, who confirmed that that is not normal in 2 year olds who brush good every night and don't walk around sucking on sippy cups and lollipops.

They were diagnosed with hypoplastic teeth, which basically means that they did not form the top layer of enamel needed to protect teeth. Kids with this condition usually have big discolorations, very sensitive teeth, and extreme vulnerability to decay. Poor Lillian has it worse than Breanna, but both girls certainly have the condition. And wouldn't you know it, this is the first employer I've ever worked for who hasn't had a dental insurance option. Darn it anyway!

So, Miss Lillian is going in for surgery on January 8, where the doctors will give her at least one stainless steel crown, X-rays to find out how many cavities are there besides the four we can see with the naked eye, fill the cavities, and then seal every tooth surface of her mouth. I didn't get to be at Breanna's dentist visit and diagnosis due to a work thing, but it sounds like we will be able to get her mouth under control over the course of several dental visits, but no general anesthesia/surgery. Since their exams less than a month ago, I can see the visible difference in how much the discoloration is progressing on their back teeth. Thankfully, the front ones haven't been affected yet and we'll be able to stop it with the sealants.

I feel so bad for these kids. I just hope and pray they aren't uncomfortable or scarred for life. And I also really really hope that they aren't the in 60 percent of kids with the condition who have it in their permanent teeth, as well.

Luckily, they both loved their trips to the dentist, and often shine a flashlight into one another's mouth to count teeth and "tickle" them with floss. Cross your fingers it stays this way.

This all means that the next few weeks are going to be a flurry - medical checkups (all three kiddos go in to a new doctor whose name I can't even remember on the 5th), dental procedures, Lilllian's surgery, and my continued quest to find contacts that I can see in. (I found some finally that stay in my eyes while I'm on the computer, but I can't see so clearly in them. Grrr. I go back on Monday for another re-check.) DH and I are both overdue for our own dental exams/cleanings, but honestly, who has time?

I hope to have some more energy tomorrow so I can blog about some of our funnier phrases/pronounciations around our house. Like me-geek (music). Those can cheer me up in a snap. As expensive as they are, I just love living with a house full of kids.

Christmas Tree Hunting Photos

2008-12-16T07:14:00.001-06:00

We went hunting for a Christmas tree on Thanksgiving weekend when Uncle Russ was visiting.

The girls each found their own tree to take home (Breanna's tumbleweed and Lillian's stick). What a fun way to kick off into holiday fun!

At Home At Last

2008-12-15T23:44:00.002-06:00

As we're settling into having two parents back in one house again, I think we're all finally starting to feel at home. I've been able to fall in love with my dear husband again and again each day as I remember just how much I enjoy spending time with him. The girls are finally tall enough to turn the bathroom light on and off when they go in to potty, and Grant is creaping laps around the living room/kitchen like nobody's business.

Lillian is becoming more talkative, and her pronounciations are hilarious. Sometimes it takes us a while to figure her out, but she's the most patient little girl. When we take wild guesses, she calmly says no and then tries again. Like "loobooboo" = living room. "Ment tuck" is cement truck. And "ninnehbadbad" is gingerbread man. There are many more that I have jotted down in various notepads, hoping I never forget that squeeky little voice.

Breanna has not slowed her chattiness now that Lillian can keep pace. That makes for lots of nonstop noise in our house. But it's mighty fun. The other night in the tub, Breanna pointed at herself and declared, "I'm Lillian." DH then asked Lillian who she is and she smiled shyly and said, "Me Breanna." They clearly have their daddy's humor. Let the games begin.

And while these crazy girls are getting sillier, Grant continues to grow huger (more huge?) by the day. He's in 18-month onesies and size 4 snow boots. All boy, he grunts and growls and hollers (all in fun) and lets us know he's full of testosterone. He's so incredibly strong, I'm often afraid he'll leap right out of my arms. He's taking a few steps at a time now, so his forehead is looking mighty lumpy and purple. But as rough and tough boyish as he is, he's still the sweetest, funniest baby I've ever met.

In fact, I told my mom just this weekend about a thought that keeps coming to mind. I'll bet that when Jesus was a baby, he was just like Grant. Always happy. Always sweet. And with those big, friendly eyes that seem to look into your soul and smother you with yummy kisses. You just can't help but be drawn in and fall in love each time you catch his eyes.

I couldn't imagine a more fulfilling life.

I often think I'm married to a 14-year-old

2008-12-10T21:28:00.002-06:00

The poop humor that comes from my dear hubby is ridiculous and I don't know how to deal with it besides rolling my eyes and shaking my head. His latest trick is to tell the twins that mommy's pooping stinky poop each time I leave the room - regardless of where I am or what I am doing. Each time I return, the girls ask me about my stinky poop.

Our daycare lady thinks it's hilarious. I would like to poop on my DH. The fun never ends in our household.

Feeling Blurry

2008-12-04T21:13:00.003-06:00

There's no other way to describe it right now. I'm swamped at work, busy at home each night, and battling with trying to find some contacts that work for my eyes. Add in a little long-distance in-law drama and I'm blurry.

It's not helpful that since getting Bell's Palsy 2.5 years ago, my right eye is going down hill. It still doesn't fully close when I blink -only when I sleep in the dark. The eyeball is changing shape and so now I have some major astigmatism. As I'm experiementing with contacts to find some that I can see with, I'm blinking the right one out all over the place. And tackling headaches as the side effect of the changes.

I'm going to call tomorrow to see if Lasik might be an option to explore. I wonder if you need a good blink for it to work. We'll see. In the meantime, I'm switching out to glasses before I fold up these last two loads of laundry for the night.

Have a restful weekend ahead, my friends!

Too Cute Even Late

2008-12-03T23:32:00.003-06:00

I just came across this photo of the twins on Halloween night. Even though technically we've entered the Christmas season, there's still no snow outside, so I'm justifying posting this pic in December.

All They Want for Christmas

2008-12-02T15:48:00.003-06:00

Wow - what a rush of the past couple weeks! Thanksgiving morning we learned that DH's sister in Idaho is expecting a baby. She'd been told she was infertile and her fiance had had the big V during his first marriage years ago, so needless to say, everyone is quite shocked, especially the parents. I'm excited to become an auntie again!

After Thanksgiving dinner down in the cities with my mom's sisters and their families, we headed up to my folks' house on Friday for the annual Lighting of the Luminaries Festival in Nisswa. Our girls loved it. Grant slept through the first hour and a half of it - cozy warm in the stroller. He was oblivious to his first horse-drawn carriage ride, but oh well.

When the girls met Santa for the first time, there were sparkles in their eyes as they gazed longingly at his basket of candy canes. He asked what they'd like for Christmas and they said, "Potty treats." Santa said, "What?" My mom whispered to the girls to just tell him they wanted baby dolls. It's clear what stage we're in at our house. Thankfully, our girls are great with the potty training - we even went into porta potties in the dark and they pottied like true champs.

We topped the evening with a couple pizzas outside and then back to my folks' place. The fellas sat in the hot tub while my mom and I bonded once the kids were all asleep.

Saturday we took DH's cousin, Uncle Russ from up north, out on a Christmas tree hunt. DH found a Christmas Tree Farm & Holiday Destination just 15 minutes out of town. The tree selection was fantastic, although the sand pickers were not the most appealing. It was so warm out we didn't wear our mittens and the girls had a great time playing peek-a-boo in the woods. Breanna found a tumbleweed for her tree and Lillian found an old stick. Merry Christmas!

The rest of the place was a theme full of settlers in full costume - we learned how to make rope, climbed hay bales, watched the guys throw tomahawks, ate real kettle corn, and enjoyed a big bonfire. When we returned home, my sister and her family arrived to help us put up the tree and decorate it. Uncle Russ's parents got a hotel room nearby (hooray for pools), so everyone went swimming after supper while I laid Grant down to sleep early after the long day outside. I then prepped for his baptism luncheon the next day.

Sunday morning we raced nonstop until we reached the church. DH called his sister, who we'd asked to be Grant's godmother. She was up in Wahpeton and had assumed we'd changed the date because we had only invited her once and not confirmed the date after that. So, she and her family hopped in the car in their blue jeans and raced to our church (a near-3-hour drive), arriving about 10 minutes after the baptism ended. Oh well, it worked out fine anyway. Uncle Russ was there as godfather and the service was really informal. We even sang "This Little Light of Mine." We had a big lunch of homemade pizzas and a nice afternoon of visiting, and then finally the evening was quiet.

DH and I relaxed in the recliner, shared a glass of wine, and marveled at how busy everything is still. Exhausted, we threw in a load of laundry and hit the sack by 10. Ahh, we made it. And now we're already in the heart of Christmas season. Hooray! Our girls are becoming dancing fools as we enjoy the holiday music. What fun!

A Saturday without a Schedule

2008-11-21T22:56:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow, DH and the twins are heading to my folks' house. DH will leave the girls with Gramma Pamma and then he's going to spend the day trimming out my cousin's nearby cabin. Baby Grant and I will have the whole day to ourselves to bond and visit while I unpack.

What will be unpacked is up for debate - my practical and whimsical selves are dueling right now. While I really should be looking for the rest of the missing baby bottles before Grant grows out of them completely, as well as Breanna's pretty winter coat and my own hats and mittens and ice scrapers and forks and pantyhose and all the other stuff I could really use right about now, what I really want to do is bring in the boxes of Christmas stuff and get a headstart while the girls are out of my hair.

I'll give the report after I've had the day to enjoy. You have no idea how excited I am to brew up some coffee, turn on the tunes, fold some laundry, and just hang out with Baby Grant. He's super fun still - now standing on his own and growing braver and stronger by the moment. His looks are changing as the teeth come in, but he's cute as ever and still the smiliest kid in the universe. He's started scrunching up his nose so high I think it goes straight into his forehead. Off to bed I go so I can have lots of energy to enjoy the day!

Happy weekend!

He's Heee-eeere

2008-11-19T21:59:00.002-06:00

My dear darling husband has finally finished up all of his far-away projects and moved in with our family officially today. What timing, as we celebrate our wedding anniversary, too!

We enjoyed an overpriced dinner and a nice bottle of wine at a neighborhood wine bar tonight, hurrying to not make our sitter stay too long. As we reflected on the past few years we've been together, we both agreed that we're the busiest people we know. We also agreed that we hope that changes a little once we get settled in to a true family setting full time now.

I'm very excited to note that I love my husband more today than yesterday, and yesterday more than the prior day. The fireworks aren't always blasting in excitement, but the comfort and respect continue to grow. I am so very thankful to have found such a terrific spouse. And now we really get to "live" finally and find our version of normal. I can only imagine how much better things will be as we slow down a bit.

Wanna hang out in Sabin on Saturday night?

2008-11-12T13:36:00.002-06:00

My baby sister turns 30 on November 13, which means we have a great reason to celebrate. Her husband has lined up an old-time country band to come out to the Crow Bar in Sabin on Saturday night.

If you're looking for a reason to get out without having to get dressed up, swing by and say hello. DH and I will be there, and the kiddos will be at least for an hour or two until we whisk them off to the sitter. My mom will be there, too, as well as hopefully lots of other friends and family, and probably some hillbilly strangers, too. The beer will be flowing, along with most likely lots of laughs.

If you haven't been to the Crow Bar in a while, don't despair. You might be excited to know that it isn't nearly so gross now that smoking is not allowed. It's still not someplace where you'd opt for anything with an open toe, but at least you can see where you sit now (whether that's good or bad is still up for debate). So grab your favorite grubby jeans, remind yourself how yummy beer tastes, and come out for some fun.

We're in town one night only and are looking to live it up! (My cell phone number is still the same, so feel free to call, too.)

Grant Stand

2008-11-10T00:23:00.002-06:00

Just a quick post here tonight as it's after midnight and I need to work tomorrow morning. But I'm so blown away by young Master Grant that I just had to share. He's been pulling himself up on stuff like crazy, but this weekend, he's let go and actually stood on his own a few times.

The baby gate is officially in place now and his poor little noggin has a few purple spots, but he's still all smiles.

I pulled out a box from the garage labeled Dollies, and Lillian has become quite the little mommy ever since. We've named the lavendar baby Lilac and the pink one Polly. They each have nuks and when they cry, Lillian picks them up to rock them and then shoves those nuks in as hard as she can. We still have more dollies in boxes within the box, but I figure we don't need to pull them all out at once.

We watched our lone goot (goose) play peek-a-boo from the bank of our pond throughout the weekend. Each time the goot bent down to eat some grass, he would disappear from our view. And then pop up, peek-a-boo style. The girls roared with laughter. DH started talking about having a goot dinner, being the bow-hunting addict that he is.

This afternoon he turned a new leaf. He commented that he wouldn't be able to kill the goot because it had become like a pet to our kids. (Yes!) Plus, he kind of enjoyed watching how close up to the house the goot kept coming. Plus, he feels bad for the goot because he/she probably lost it's mate (they mate for life, after all, he explained).

There's hope yet for this man who grew up in a house with the philospophy that animals are meant to be eaten and not brought into the house unless dead. Not that I'm suggesting the goot come inside, but at least this is progress toward a mentality shift for our die-hard hunter. A new day has dawned.

The Perfect Ending

2008-11-02T23:11:00.004-06:00

Two awesome weekends in a row - how lucky are we? Halloween was super fun. My furry mouse and puppy went trick-or-treating with my hubby and my dad, along with the rest of our cul-de-sac kids and parents. My mom and Baby Grant and I stayed home, marvelling at Grant's good spirits, considering his 5 new teeth this past week. We only had two trick-or-treaters who
were non-cul-de-sac kids, so of course, we have waaaaay more candy than we'd figured we'd have. (Sneak in a suble hooray here!)

We stayed up for a while visiting, and then early Saturday morning, my mom and I road-tripped to Albertville to a giganto outlet mall. We shopped for 11 hours, with only one .5-hour deli break at around 2. I scored huge on career clothes and clothes for Grant. (We have no hand-me-downs for him, so I'm always scrounging, it seems). I also jump-started my holiday shopping. We wrapped up the night with an authentic Mexican meal, including a margarita. It was a relaxing, wonderful day to bond with my mamacita. We never seem to get time together without the kids, and this was a great time to just visit.

Sunday, we all went to church and enjoyed the service. My folks left town from there, and our family of five came home and played outside for quite some time. It was gorgeous out, and I think the kids and DH didn't come in for lunch until around 2. That's when my cousin, Unc'a Billy showed up. He and DH worked on some building project in the basement with the windows and door open, while the kids and I did our thing upstairs. Even though Lillian and Grant didn't nap in the afternoon, I still had some time to fold some laundry. I gave up on napping them and then took them to the grocery store, with Breanna still sound asleep in her crib. Lillian chatted non-stop, perhaps as much as my sister. It was shocking and wonderful all at once. Twin-free, Lilli is quite the talker!

We came home and I immediately began supper prep, and the meal turned out fantastic! We had pepper-jelly-and-dijon marinated chicken and red peppers on the grill, along with balsamic asparagus and garlic bread and the best dessert I've had in ages. Here's the recipe in case you'd like to try it. Everyone here went crazy for it.

Grilled Pineapple
1/2 cup coconut milk
1/2 cup cinnamon/sugar
1 fresh pineapple

Cut the pineapple into rings or wedges and then soak them in the coconut milk for a few minutes. Let some of the milk drip off and then dredge each piece through the cinnamon/sugar. Grill on low until tender.

So simple, but so delictable. Next time, I might try topping the slices with toasted coconut. I read a review of the recipe that said this is great served warm over vanilla ice cream. I might try that too.

I love ending a weekend with a highlight like this!

As Fall Falls Into Place

2008-10-30T23:34:00.004-05:00

I'm digging this season. Today's near-70s temps didn't hurt. We're still spending lots of time outside and still not worrying about whether anyone's feet are freezing.

On Saturday, we went to a marathon/parade in which almost everyone there was in costume. My kids included. We all had a blast at the festivities!

Here are sneak peeks to this year's Halloween costumes. Breanna is the mouse and Lilli is the puppy. Grant is the jack'o'lantern, which is quite appropriate, considering he grew four top teeth this week and another one below, for a grand total of 8 teeth now.

Have a great Halloween weekend!

Moons Everywhere

2008-10-27T22:08:00.003-05:00

The moon reflects so beautifully off our pond. Our bedtime routine now includes turning off the lights for the last couple minutes and cuddling as the twins and I stare out our living room window.

While at the window, we talk about the moon, about vehicle lights that go by (calling them all garbage trucks), about the far-away stars, and about the airplanes. My kids have the most perceptive vision - they even notice satellites.

While we don't have the book, the girls head off to bed after saying, "Goodnight, Moon," and then blowing kisses toward it. Guess what will be my next purchase?

Now that we know the moon so well, we're seeing the moon appear in other areas of our life. Like in the egg carton. Or the little bottle inserts that keep Grant's milk from spilling when we take bottles to go. Or inside our Oreos. Lillian gently picks up her Oreo moon and cradles it in her hand for as long as I let her - I have to threaten to take it away if she doesn't eat it.

From moon-gazing, we then go to the cribs, where we now say the "Bless us, O Lord," meal prayer, followed by the "Now I lay me" prayer. It's the greatest thing in the world to be a part of. No matter how worn out I get.

Home Sweet Home

2008-10-23T21:38:00.002-05:00

My DH is on his way home, and I think he remembered to bring a hammer with him. Since he's been working in Fargo, his tools all stay there. That means I still feel like a renter, with nothing on my walls and no drapes in my bedroom. I need to start settling in and get some pictures up on walls - with all the chaos, I need something that feels like home.

And he's coming home finally after being gone all week! I can't wait! Yay for getting my helper back. And my hugger back, too.

I win.

2008-10-22T22:22:00.006-05:00

I win the un-popularity contest this week. I was the most-hated person in my office today. Most likely I'll retain that title for a while.

When Bishop offered me this job, one of the last questions he posed during the interview was how thick my skin is. I reassured him it's pretty tough, but not inpenetrable. He smiled gently and said I'd have some struggles to clean up before I could make any real progress. Over the past week, the clarity to that conversation has rung out loudly.

I've been struggling with sleep issues since last week, when I realized I need to be a tough boss for the good of my employer. It's so very draining.

I'm keeping everything as professional as possible, and am praying for peace , as well as some business solutions as we face continued belt tightening and higher expectations. I'm praying for guidance to find the most effective ways to serve in this communications ministry.

I can't believe it's only Wednesday. With DH in Fargo most of this week, I'm fried physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I can hardly wait til he returns tomorrow night and can hold me in a long, tight hug.

In the meantime, I guess I'll finish up documenting my HR meeting notes, then clean up the kids' mess from supper, clean up the bathroom after the splash-fest, get to my glass of wine that I poured three hours ago, and then hopefully just crash for a few hours in a row. If you have any extra energy vibes, please send them my way this week. I'm always happy to reciprocate when I have an abundance.

More B'oken

2008-10-22T00:03:00.002-05:00

I tell ya, if it's not messing stuff, it's wrecking stuff.

Tonight, in only the few moments it took me to race into my bedroom, shut the door, strip, toss on jeans and a blouse, grab socks and earrings, and race back out the kitchen, my darling Lillian had climbed on top of the island, grabbed the near-full canister of Grant's formula, removed the lid, and dumped it all overboard. She then hopped down, barefooted, and played with the "snow." When I realized what she'd done, I kind of freaked out and yelled. Loudly!

She simply looked up, smiled, and said "b'oken milk." She then scooped some up and explored the feeling of it pouring through her fingers. As I stood her up and put her into the sink to wash her feet, in came Breanna. Into the sink she had to go, too.

Once they were cleaned up, I deposited them onto the couch, where they needed to sit until I'd finished sweeping and vacuuming all the powder. From the couch, that's where someone broke the lamp. Both blame each other.

I tell you. Some days. If only I. Grrr. I'm so frustrated I can't even write my frustration in full sentences any more.

Karma gods, if you're doing this as a payback for some of my childhood antics, ok, I call uncle. I get it. Now stop it.

The Never-ending Marathon

2008-10-20T21:30:00.002-05:00

I can't stop yawning, and neither can the rest of my family. We traveled to my sweet sister's house on Friday, where the kids stayed up late and we grownups stayed up waaaay later. Early the next morning, we prepped to go to Papa Russ' funeral, where we spent several hours visiting with his family. Then we raced out of town, eating on the run, off to a family friend's wedding in my hometown on Little Falls.

Lillian refused to nap, but somehow was able to strategically remove her tights without being unbuckled. Breanna slept for about 45 minutes (thank goodness) and Grant slept most of the trip once I fed him over the back seat. All of us girls quickly changed clothes in the van and then we raced into the church. We arrived at the wedding about 10 seconds before the gorgeous bride went down the aisle.

These poor kids spent about 3 hours in churches and 3 hours in car seats all in one day. I can't believe they didn't kill themselves or us. Thankfully, after all the confinement, we went dancing. Breanna showed her moves at random moments, and I'm afraid she's a young Elaine. Cute as can be, though!

Once at the wedding dance, both girls wanted to be held - right next to the dance floor, so we could "go dancing." But what they called going dancing was actually just watching everyone else dance. I tried over and over to set them down (they are SO heavy!) and twirl them or something, but they just got peeved. If I danced with them in my arms and twirled myself, they hollered because I'd blocked their view. Their favorites to watch were the polka-ers. Especially the pretty grandma in the red satin shirt. She reminded me of a cartoon on speed - and indeed was great entertainment. She was strangely hopped up, but seriously, a very talented dancer.

The girls made it til about 10, when we finally put them out of their misery and went back to our hotel. We took our dear friend, Uncle Clif, with us, and he seemed to be in awe with how non-stop our family is. The next morning, up at 7:15, we enjoyed the hotel breakfast and were at the pool's door when it opened at 8. My mom joined us and had a blast with all of us. Even Grant swam floated around, and we all enjoyed the 2-hour swim, indulging in some hot tub (hob up) time. (Not to worry, Grant only poked his toes in the hob up.)

After we finally packed up and left the hotel, we went to Perkins, where I ran into my best friend from my senior year of high school after having not seen her since my college graduation day over a decade ago. She's expecting child number 7 and looked nearly the same. Wow! Talk about a flashback.

From there, we raced home and took the girls to a birthday party for our neighbor, Ellie, who turned 8. We were all so exhausted that we fed the kids at 5, skipped baths, and had them in bed by 6:30. And then I went to work, editing the little magazine that I work on each month for a few hours. When I climbed into bed at 11, I was beat. And then the night began. Every hour, one of the kids took their turn wailing. I blame myself for letting their schedules get so out of whack. But, oh, the exhaustion.

Will we ever slow down and just catch up on rest, now that Grant is usually sleeping through the night? Gaaaaah!

Finally Family Pictures

2008-10-15T21:21:00.002-05:00

We finally went in for "real" family photos today. Grant had his baby photos done (at nearly 8 months - yes, I know I suck). The girls had their 2-year photos (5 months into their second birthday). And we took a real family photo. I still hate my face, and am reminded of it mostly whenever I see pictures. :( Thankfully, I don't often remember my minor disfigurement throughout the day until I speak with groups of 100+ (which is not all that often).

I'll scan in a proof or two tomorrow perhaps - the kids did great. We went in a few days later than we should have though, because now that Grant is crawling (since Monday!), he was hard to contain. It was fun and nearly as stressful as getting out of the house in the morning.

Anthropology Experiment

2008-10-13T20:36:00.002-05:00

We separated the twins for the first time on Friday night. Lillian gleefully went home with Gramma Pamma for an overnight visit. Breanna stayed home and bawled, asking, "Where'd Lilli go?" every 15 minutes.

We did our best to give Breanna a great night with lots and lots of one-on-one attention. She got to eat at the big table in a big chair - no high chair. She got to eat whatever she wanted (which happened to be lots of gomatos - tomatoes and logurt - yogurt). And then we went to Bounce Depot and jumped on all the inflatable stuff for over an hour. We took turns with her, going up and down slides, climbing, jumping, and tossing balloons in a "jumpoline." It wore all of us out (even Grant - who took many trips down slides courtesy of Daddy and Mommy's laps).

When we came home, we sang "I'm a little tea-pot" a few hundred times and did "This little piggy" a few more hundred times before we called Lilli and the girls got to talk on the phone a little bit, which was pretty darned cute.

Bedtime seemed to be the hardest for poor Breanna, so she and Daddy laid down in the big bed in Breanna's room and snuggled until they both fell asleep. When I went in a couple hours later after I'd cleaned the house and finished three loads of laundry (!), Breanna was upside down, on top of the covers, near the foot of the bed. I gently delivered her to her bed and the shooed DH out so he'd get into our bed.

The next morning, we had special chocolate chip waffles and kiwi and sips of Mommy's creamy coffee, and then packed up for a daytrip to Moorhead, where Lilli would be waiting for us with Gramma Pamma and Papa 'tebe. My sister and brother-in-law baptized their daughter up there, and we enjoyed being a part of their special day. As soon as we arrived at the church, I kind of hoped our girls would race to each other and embrace in a big hug. But naah, instead, Lilli hopped into my arms and Breanna into Gramma's and that was that. They didn't even say hi to each other.

While we were in the church, our former daycare grandma, Becky, left a frantic message on my voicemail. She was calling to postpone our dinner plans because she'd just received a call from the ER - her husband had collapsed at Menards. He had the car there, so she was waiting for her sister to arrive to pick her up and take her to the hospital. It turned out Papa Russ had a massive stroke and then passed away yesterday morning. I am so incredibly sad for poor Grandma Becky.

We'd been getting the girls all geared up to see her and Papa on Saturday, so they have really been talking about the two of them. I told them that Grandma Becky is sad and crying and that we'd go see her in a few days. Lillian said we should bring her a tubba bear. Breanna blew kisses out the side kitchen window and told me we should hug and kiss Grandma Becky. Their sweetness brought on my own tears. Knowing that Grandma Becky and Papa Russ were truly best friends, I am grieving so very deeply for her. Just imagining her heartbreak makes my stomach ache.

Please keep the family in your prayers. They lost a sweetheart of a guy and the hardest worker I've ever known.

As the Cashmere Coats

2008-10-09T07:55:00.000-05:00

The temperature drops and the cashmere appears - today it's warming my arms and torso in the form of a beautiful gray coat. Soft, warm, smooth, and simply wonderful. I'm so happy the heat is gone!

Yesterday I drove with four other women to Arrowwood Resort near Alexandria, MN, to speak at a clergy conference. The trees could not have been more vibrant. The only thing missing was some spiced apple cider.

I surprised DH by arriving home before dinner time - and he seemed glad to have the respite. The kids, while adorable, are oh-so-exhausting. They've been chasing the "geet" (geese) off our lawn - those darn critters want to eat the grass seed that hasn't yet grown in green. I've heard that Breanna got quite close to actually catching one. : ) They love seeing them take off and land.

I hope to get in on some of that action when I return home after work today. I'll first gently remove my beloved blazer and throw on a sweatshirt so that as the girls climb up me, I can toss everything into the wash. When it comes to being around them, it's not about just the washability of their clothes, but mine as well.

Hula Loopin'

2008-10-04T21:16:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure whether to brag or hide - while at the neighbors' across the street this afternoon, their three-year-old came up to me with her hula hoop and asked me to do it. Without a second thought, I grabbed it and hula-ed about 15 swivels. She jumped up and down with glee. Breanna yelled, "Good job, Mommy." Lilly squeeled and shouted, "Again, Mommy. More hula loop!" I was a rockstar!

Then the neighbor dad half chuckled / half snickered and asked where I get my moves. Goll - why do grownups always have to wreck my superhero moments? They're so few these days.

We played some more and chalked caterpillars on the asphalt and then finally came in for supper. Grant, whose appetite is bigger than mine, I think, ate chicken lo mein noodles and carrots and broccoli (not pureed), as well as sweet potatoes and oatmeal, three saltines, a whole fruit cup of mixed fruits, and then 6 ounces of formula. At this rate, by the time he hits junior high, our grocery bill will be higher than our house payment.

A couple of other funny moments of the day: while at Sam's Club (the only place with double carts so I can take all three kiddos), the girls saw a monster display for Halloween. It was a 6-foot monster whose face comes off as he talks all creepy. They called him a tubba bear and wanted to hug him.

And, they also saw the trampoline display hanging from the ceiling. Broken jump. Breanna told me that, "Uncle Kory pick (fix) the jumpoline." And then as we got into the frozen foods section, they saw an old man in a cowboy hat (probably around 70 years old) and Lillian said it was Uncle Kory. Apparently they miss my brother-in-law.

As we approached the flower display by the checkout, they talked about getting flowers for Grandma Becky, our past daycare lady. They remembered that we picked up a bouquet for her for her birthday in February. Talk about memories!

At bedtime, Lillian tried on a ladybug costume with antennas and quickly exclaimed, "wiggle wiggle." She loved the feeling of the bouncing antennas. The girls then climbed into Lilli's crib and Breanna grabbed the chinese jumprope and tried to hula loop with it. It was hilarious!

So obviously, I have such an exciting life that I feel compelled to share it with you. If you know my kids, perhaps it's entertaining to envision all this. If not, sorry to bore you. It's one of those things where I just need to write and I don't have anything profitable in the writing department this week (hooray!).

On an exciting note (not exciting for me, but perhaps for the fellas), my hubby shot an antelope with his bow on Friday and a deer on Thursday somewhere out in North Dakota. He'll return tomorrow with his "meat." Ick. But at least hunting is now done with and I get my helper back.